Thanks for all the comments on yesterday's post. I really did want to know how the masses felt. And you told me. It was a great human interest experiment.
Moving on.
I got a text(I loves me some text) this morning that read: "Shallow spirituality leads to shallow Christians". I received this in reference to a conversation I was having with someone about Johanna and her, most likely, home going(I like that so much better than dying or passing away). I'm not going to give you the deets of the conversation, because you don't need to know. Was that harsh? Probably, I'm sorry it wasn't intended to be harsh. I just don't want to offend anyone directly involved. The gist of the conversation was as follows. Chad and I have accepted the fact that Jo will go to be with Jesus before we get much, if any, time to spend with her. We are OK with that. In fact, God has become incredibly big to our family in the last month. I couldn't begin to describe all of His blessings to you. You wouldn't believe me.
Back on track. Others we are around have not accepted the fact that Johanna will die very very young. And there's nothing we can do about it. In fact, we have been reprimanded for being accepting, or reminded constantly that God can heal her. Quite frankly I'm tired of hearing it. Let me be OK with what God is doing in me(literally right now). I don't know if the nonacceptance of this very obvious fact(to me anyway) is a lack of understanding, or something else entirely. I have said it again, but I chose to repeat it again today. God doesn't always heal the way we want Him to. Sometimes His healing is more perfect than touching the sick body. Maybe God wants to heal Jo by giving her a perfected heavenly body, and a permanent home with Him. I still think she will have red hair like Clayton, even in her perfected body.
I guess this is my point. We are supposed to surrender ourselves to God's perfect will and plan for our life. Maybe we don't have to like it, or even understand it all the time. But, we do have to surrender to it. It could be detrimental if we don't. Ask Moses. He didn't listen to God's will about striking the rock, and he was banished from the promised land. God means business. I believe God's lesson for me, at this point anyway, is to trust Him, and not to live in la la land that Johanna is going to be born healthy, wealthy, and wise. Hebrews(probably Paul) (this is paraphrased) says that faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. I'm hoping for strength, wisdom, peace, and comfort. I have evidence of all of them. Christ didn't heal Lazarus when the peeps wanted Him to. He did it on His time table to teach them more. That's His lesson with Johanna. He's going to take her home with Him, to teach her family a bigger lesson than healing. I'm excited now.
I have a bit of scripture to go along with it. I never really liked the book of Job. It just didn't appeal to me. Let me just say, I have a new love for Job. He was a cool dude. I hope it can be said about me, that in all of this I didn't curse or blame God. Woot for Job.
Wherefore I abhor myself, and repent in dust and ashes.
6 comments:
The book "Holding onto Hope" deals with this subject. She talks about not being led to pray for healing and the reaction she got from people. Nancy Guthrie has been huge in my healing process. I loved Holding onto Hope and now I am using the devotional "One Year Book of Hope." She really seems to mesh with your way of thinking.
I am amazed to see how God works sometimes. I cannot even begin to imagine what or how you may be feeling. I can say that I don't understand why God allows certain things to happen, but there is a reason for it all.
We know that God has the power to heal that sweet little girl and she could be born completly healthy. But, how devastating would it be if you come to expect that to happen and it doesn't. You haven't given up hope, or already written her off, you are just learning to live with the reality of what is.
I think we should always ultimately pray for God's perfect will to be done, and know that it's for the best even when we can't understand why.
I hope you can overlook what people may say that is hurtful to you and hold on tight to the peace it seems that God has given you during this time.
It's your life and you get to feel however you want to! And it's your blog, so you get to say whatever you want too!
We will be praying.
We were always 'stuck' between praying for a miracle and planning for the probable. I thought immediately about the same book Monica mentioned. Nancy Guthrie says that far too often we pray for complete healing {what we want} and then tack on a P.S. at the end of "well, if that's what's in Your will." She says it should be the other way around, "Please Lord, do Your will. Help me to submit to whatever that is for me." P.S. If you choose to heal her, we would be utterly grateful.
I just always prayed for His mercy. That seemed to cover everything. If it was His mercy for us that Olivia receive complete physical healing, great! If it was His mercy for us that she went straight to His arms from my womb, great! If we got to hold her, look into her eyes, then return her to Him 5 minutes later, great! He knew what was best for us & He knows what's best for Johanna too.
Getting other people to understand that...sheesh. Sometimes it's futile.
Because of how God has chosen to create Johanna you are experiencing God in ways millions never get to. Johanna is perfectly formed and created by our Heavenly Father and He and He alone knows what all He is doing with and through her.
God heals in two ways, sometimes here on earth and then sometimes He heals in a more perfect way by allowing His little ones a home in heaven. What a healing that really is, "a home going". It is only a departure,as your Dad preaches so many times, like a ship setting sail, or folding up a tent for another land. Just thinking about Johanna and her eternal home and all she is going to gain soon blesses my heart. Although I know the pain you you will forever fill because of her place in your lives will be unbearable at times.
You keep worshiping God for who He is is and what He is doing and others will see you have a peace in God that they know nothing about.
I'm proud of you baby girl. I couldn't have said it better myself. It takes more faith the trust God in the dark than it does to hold on to a false hope in the light. In other words, you are right to trust God's sovereign will in this matter. It doesn't matter what we want. He will do what He is going to do. Our duty is to submit to His will and praise Him, even when we must do it through our pain. You have taken the right path, now stay the course. One day, Heaven will open and your faith will be vindicated. I personally believe that it will be vindicated here. I love you!
I have been where you are now. (Well kind of) My son Daniel had trisomy 13 and we did not know about it until he was 2 days old. We knew he had a heart problem and a few other minor things, but not the trisomy 13. Well to make a long story short at age 16 days we took him off the vent and we did not exspect him to breath on his own, but he did. He even got to come home with us. It was a gift from God. He was with us for a total of 27 days, he passed away peasefully in his sleep. Here is his story more indepth along with pictures of him. http://www.livingwithtrisomy13.org/memoriesofdaniel.htm
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