34 weeks

Actually 34 weeks tomorrow, but you get the point. I can't believe we've made it this far. And if all goes as planned(nothing has went as planned, so I'm not holding my breath), then we'll get to meet our little girl 5 weeks from this Friday. That's crazy and really soon, and so far away all at the same time.

I think I can finally say that I'm excited to meet Johanna. As excited as I was when we were counting down the days until Clayton was born. Chad and I have worked through a lot of the what-ifs, and what-nots. I'm not dreading her birth like I was for a long long time. I'm ready to have pregnancy behind us, and move on to a new chapter. Whatever that chapter is. Whether its grieving her death, or coping with caring for a severely disabled child(will probably the former and not the latter), we're as ready as we can be. I do say that pretty lightly. I don't think a person can ever prepare for either scenario. Even a super planner like myself, is bound to be surprised by something, if not everything.

I even bought her a few outfits last week. I had held off buying anything(and I do mean anything) for her, but the closer we get, the more hopeful I am that she will be born alive. I'm trying to be realistic and optimistic at the same time. That's quite the conundrum for someone like me.

For now, we're just taking one day at a time. I don't take it lightly that God has left her here with us for as long as He has. Very few Moms get to keep their T18 babies as long as I have been fortunate to keep Jo.

I can now honestly say that I'm confident in what God is doing. I honestly feel that I wouldn't change our circumstances, because if I change the T18, then I would be changing Johanna and who she is.