What Will my Baby Girl Look Like?

That's a pretty benign question, or you would think.

I mean, all expectant parents wonder what their child will look like once it's born. Will they look like their Daddy or Mommy. Will they have hair or will they be bald? How big or small will they be? Whose eyes/ears/nose/lips/fingers/etc. will they have? In my estimation this is a pretty standard question that we all wonder about.

I didn't allow myself to even contemplate this question until very very recently. I'm going to be very honest today. I'm not coming from a place of question, sadness, doubt, or anger. I'm just being real with ya'll about what this process is like.

I didn't want to think about my daughter being incredibly physically deformed. Please don't misread what I'm saying(rambling). For me anyway, when you find out you're fortunate enough to be having a baby you begin to think and dream about what this baby will be as an infant, then a child, and ultimately an adult. And then, when you learn that your child has a very profound disabililty your mind ultimately wonders what they will look like. I think it's human nature. We knew fairly early on that Jo has the standard T18 hand clubbing. As far as we know, at this point anyway, that's the only major external physical deformity that she has. Of course she's small, and her eyes and ears are probably spaced a little differently that you would expect on a healthy baby.

Very recently though, I've begun to think about what she's going to look like. We're getting close to the end now. We still don't know if she'll go all the way to 10/30, or if she'll leave us before that. I've started to wonder if she will favor Clayton. Will she have his signature red hair? I certainly hope so. Will she have hair at all? I hope so. Clayton looks a lot like his Daddy. Will Jo, or will she look more like me? Clayton has chunky cheeks like his Mom. Will Jo, or will she be more slim faced like Chad? Will she have my fair skin like Clayton does or will she be darker like Chad?

These thoughts have been on my mind a lot lately, and then I read a great blog post this morning that spoke volumes to me. Johanna will be the beautiful little girl that God created her to be. As her mom, I will see nothing but her beauty. My mom colored glasses will see only what God wants me to see. I won't see the ugliness that the naysers and critics see. It'll be love at first sight all over again. I have been head over heels with this child since that Sunday when I told Chad I thought I was pregnant. No matter what she looks like physically, she will be as perfect as my healthy Clayton is. To me and her Dad, she will look like Miss America. I am so glad that God revealed this to me. Having this settled in my heart and mind has made me want her in my arms so much more. Every pregnant and waiting Mom wants their baby. Mothers of sick or disabled babies are no different.

I'm thankful that He is letting me see the beauty in the very ugly T18. There is beauty in every storm. You may not always see a rainbow at the end, but the storm in and of itself is mighty, powerful, and beautiful.

Thanks Adrienne.