Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Untitled(because I can't muster one up)

Bean and I went for our 12 week appointment today. We got some good news, and some not as good news. Good news first. I only gained 2 pounds in 12 weeks. Ya'll, I can look at a cupcake in a magazine and gain 3 pounds, so I was very proud of myself. Also, my blood pressure was great. I have major "White Coat Syndrome". I was incredibly excited about that. My blood pressure is usually good when I check it at the office, but when I get to the MD office, I kinda freak out.

Now the...........let's say,.................................... not as good news.

The FNP I started with today was having a hard time finding Bean's heartbeat. Not too concerning since I'm only 12 weeks. Anyway, she suggested that we do an US while I was there, and of course I agreed. I was immediately excited, because not only would I get to hear the baby, but I would also get to see it. I did get to see Bean, and WOW!! All I can say about that is God is good, and amazing at how He creates life.

Anyway, the US tech was very throrough and kept looking for anything. She kept questioning my dates, and we went over, and over them. I am definite about the dates, so of course my mind started spinning, and obviously "What's going on?" Bean is on the small side. That in and of itself is not an issue. The US tech called in the physician, whom I absolutely admire for his morals, and practice standards. Dr. H. began to explain what we were seeing. Here's goes my dummed down explanation. It's dummed down because I had a really hard time understanding what was going on. It's amazing how you can here just fine until someone starts talking about your babies, and then all of your brain cells kinda go out the window.

Dr. H. told me that Bean has a Cystic Hygroma. Big words for swelling or edema around the brain and neck. He explained that this is a symptom of a problem, and not the actual problem itself. He went on to explain that a cystic hygroma is usually a symptom of a chromosomal disorder. When we say chromosomal, it's something like Down's Syndrome, Turner's Syndrome, or Edward's Syndrome. Some of these more serious, and with more immediate risks than others.

That's really all we know at this point. Dr. H. did give us worst and best case scenarios today. Worst case is obviously that Bean would die before they are able to deliver. Best case scenario is that the cystic hygroma would resolve on it's own, and we would only be left with some heart issues to deal with. Dr. H. did seem to lean more towards a chromosomal issue as opposed to a heart issue.

Chad and I will are going to Charlotte on Monday to a perinatologist at Presbyterian Hospital. Please pray for Chad, Clayton, Bean, and I. Our desire is for God to have His will and way in our life. We don't necessarily feel that a prayer for healing is what God is leading us to pray at this point. Although, if that is what He want to do, then that would be more than OK with us. Our prayer(and if you could make it yours too that would be great), is that God's will would be accomplished and that we would be accepting of what He has in store for us. Please pray for strength and wisdom as Chad and I will undoubtedly have some decisions to make soon.

God has done so much for us in the area of Chad's blood sugar, so graciously giving us Clayton to raise and love, a church that we love(and thinks loves us HA), a nice home(with an equally nicer payment), wonderful family, and a Beanie Baby to love. This is in addition to salvation, mercy, grace, love, and a home in heaven.



13For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb. 14I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. 15My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. 16Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them. 17How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them! 18If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee.

These are my favorite verses in the entire Bible. I think they fit today.

33 comments:

Preachersgirl3491 said...

Nikki hopefully there is no doubt that you know that we are praying for you guys but there are no words to explain the hurt that I have in my heart for you right now. We will be praying for God's Will to be done and never hesitate to call even if it is just to cry! I love you.

Phil said...

Nikki, Chad, Clayton, and 'Bean'; you guys are in our prayers. I feel deeply for you going through this trial, but God does know best. Why He saw fit to even include us in His plan is beyond me.. but we will be praying God's will in this situation. You guys are very special to us.. and although we don't talk much.. we think of you guys often, and Chad is my 'sugar' buddy (in the diabetic sense of corse) :). Take care and we will be praying for you guys.

Simply Donna...... said...

I love the way you refer to baby as "bean" (that cracks me up). Idea! If Bean is a girl - middle name could be "Bea". What ya think?

I love you guys and am praying for God's will in your situation. I also pray that God will give you peace and comfort along the way.

I am here for you if you need anything and I mean it. Anything...lunch to talk, shoulder to lean on, babysitter; well you get the point.

Love ya!

jamielynn said...

I have read those verses 100 times over and they didn't have a meaning until today. This baby will be fearfully and wonderfully made and so perfect no matter what. haha...
I've prayed for Bean since we found out you were pregnant && will always continue to do so until I have no breath left in me.

I love you guys :)

Kelly said...

Praying for you - I know you must be so scared but I love your faith. God still works miracles!

Carey said...

Hi there, I'm a completely random poster, but I was linked here from Kelly's blog. Just wanted to leave you a note that our daughter was a surprise and she was born with Down syndrome. The best thing that ever happened to us! If you do get a diagnosis and are looking for some hope, feel free to check out our blog. She's been through a lot, but she's the light of our lives!
www.cbranam.blogspot.com

Good luck, I admire your strength!

Jennifer said...

I can't imagine what you must be thinking and feeling. Praying for your family and little bean!!!

lindsey said...

Nikki, I just found your blog from Kelly's Korner, and I just want you to know that I am praying for you guys. I remember that feeling all too well of sitting with the ultrasound tech, wondering what she wasn't telling us. We have already seen Jesus do some amazing miracles in our lives, and I am here to encourage you that God our Healer is still a miracle-working God. Just believe and never stop...that's all He ever wants from any of us is for us to trust fully in Him and to give Him the glory. I'm sure you know that, but I just want to give you that encouragement. I know you don't know me, but let me know if you need anything...

The Carter Family said...

Hi! I came over from Kelly's Korner. I have severe white coat syndrome, too!! Just wanted to let you know that I will be lifting your family up in my prayers. I pray, as you ask, that God's will be done. He is THE GREAT PHYSICIAN and performs miracles everyday! I will keep checking in on your family.
((HUGS))

Vashti said...

Hi there. I am praying for you and the baby.
Stay strong and lean on Him in the times of stress.
God Bless.
Vashti (South Africa)

nat2377 said...

Nikki-
I came to your blog from Kelly's Korner - And I have been through this. Except I was 20 weeks along when our doctor started to worry. It is very scary and only someone who's been through this knows what you are experiencing. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you besides prayer.
Natalie

monkeysmom said...

My bf had the exact same thing happen to her at her 12 week appt. The drs were not optomistic. She had genetic testing done and found that the baby was fine! The drs still believed there would be heart problems. He just turned one year old last week and, praise God, he has no problems at all! No heart problems, just a healthy, happy one year old baby. Sending up a prayer for you now...

Leah Robinson said...

Praying for you!! God Bless!

Psalm 46:10

Jennifer said...

Just wanted you to know I'm praying for you! I cannot imagine how you feel right now, but I know that God knows. I praying for peace that passes all understanding.

Beth.. One Blessed Nana said...

Sweet Nikki - Your mom asked me to put you on my prayer page and I came here immediately.

I will be praying for little bean as well as you and your husband. We serve a mighty God and He can do anything! You show amazing strength and I pray that the Lord will hold you and lift you up this week as you wait for this appointment. He is our strength.

In His Grip,
Beth

Adrienne said...

Hi! I found your blog through Kelly's Korner and I wanted to let you know that there is a wonderful support/question/answer board on Babycenter.com- it's the amnio support group- not that you will doing an amnio- I'm not sure but many women have this same issue that your baby may have and find out that the baby is fine and sometimes there is a chromosomal disorder. But you can ask as many questions as you want and you can get great support.

We found out that our third child (a boy) has Down syndrome at 17 weeks and he is due in in 4 weeks. He has a heart defect as well- we did not have the issue that your doctor thinks is present in your baby. I have a blog if you're interested and reading other blogs has helped so much. I'm not saying your baby has anything wrong with it and hopefully it doesn't but I just wanted to offer some supprt. God will get you through this and your child will be a blessing in your life no matter what! I know this is a scary time right now, I went through it a couple months back but through prayer and faith and support I have no doubt that this little boy was meant to be in our lives! I wish the best for you!

Payne Family said...

I found your blog through Kelly's Korner and just wanted to let you know that we heard some of the same things when I was 18 weeks preg. with my daughter. The doctors didn't think that she would make it (the whole pregnancy was a roller coaster ride), she is 8 yrs old now and she has Turner Syndrome. She had surgery on her heart at 2 days old to correct Coarctation of the Aorta, today she is a healthy little girl. I would be glad to help you in anyway that I can, my blog is emkerrpayne.blogspot.com

Amazing Mama said...

your are in my prayers. I read another blog with a lady that just went through the same thing.. I will try to find it for you and let you know, it always help to here storys similar to yours that what got me through my peripartum cardiomyopathy.

Tammy said...

Praying for you in Indiana - found you through Kelly's Blog.

The Turkington Family said...

Hi, my name is Becca. We don't know one another...in fact today was the first time I happened upon your blog. I wanted you to know that I will be praying for you all as you go through this difficult time. Unfortunately I can relate all to closely with how you must be feeling at this point as we found out at 20 weeks pregnant that our little one also had chromosome defects. We decided to just put all our trust in God and let him determine the outcome. Our little Israel is now 5 weeks old and was born without any hands or feet. All this to say, I am sorry for all you are having to go through right now and know that you have my prayers and support. Even though our diagnosis are a bit different, if there is anything I can do to help you through this process, just ask!

lauren said...

I will be praying for you. I live in Charlotte so if there is anything I can do for you while you are here PLEASE let me know. -Lauren

Monica said...

I am another one coming from Kelly's Korner. I just wanted you to know that I am praying.

Mrs. Hinson said...

Nikki,

We will keep all of you in our prayers. I pray that God's grace will be sufficient each day.

Much Love,
Christen

Erin said...

Praying in Illinois.

momma said...

found your site through kelly's korner. i will be praying for you and your family.

Frugal Jen said...

I found you from Kelly's blog. I will add your family and little "bean" to my prayers.

Mrs. Dunbar said...

I read about your blog on Kelly's Korner.

My very first pregnancy started out exactly like yours. As I read your story it was like I was re-living my own.

You will be in my prayers.

emilymburgess said...

I also came from Kelly's blog- I am 32 weeks pregnant with my first and at 20 weeks we found out that Anna Grace has Lymphangioma. Only after we were told she had Turner's syndrome, cysts on her kidneys, and a possible heart defect. We were rushed to a specialist ( whom I love) and went through an extensive US. Where he could not find any cysts or heart defects. Also, I had to have a amniotic fluid reduction, so we decided to test the fluid. Her chromosones are normal. I love your faith and that is what will help you decifer through the emotion. Anna Grace has cysts down her left side and on her bottom. We have no idea what she will need after birth but we do know that our God works miracles and I believe He is healing my precious little one as well as holding her in his hands. I will be praying for you and your family. Something that has helped me is to invision Jesus holding my baby in my womb. We are fearfully and wonderfully made and he is still knitting your little one together.

Mommy to those Special Ks said...

Hi Nikki,
I found you from Kelly's blog. I just wanted to let you know we will be praying for you all and for baby Bean. Our daughter has Down syndrome and it's a very scary thing to be put in the world of the "unknown". I know that you know that God doesn't make mistakes, and whatever journey He's leading you on, you'll be in His hands.

Please, if you have any questions about Down syndrome, feel free to email me any time (address is on my blog and profile). I remember those first days (we didn't find out until after she was born) and we were terrified. Almost 5 years later and we can only feel blessed beyond measure.

I'll be back to visit! :)
Renee

Sandys2girls said...

HI I am from marion, just down the road from you although I live in Va now. I was just in marion last week to see my parents. Anyway, I was wondering if you know Dr. Simolke or Salsman? I had Simolke when I lived in Marion 13 years ago.
We are praying for your baby!!
Don't worry God is in control!
Sandy Hildenbrand
sandyhildenbrand@gmail.com

Stay at Home Mommy said...

Nikki, I love you and your family and yall have been such a blessing to us. Know that anytime you need me I am here. I will be praying for strength for you and chad and that the Lords will be done. He knows best for us eventhough I don't understand sometimes why some things happen like they do. And we know ALL things work together to them that love God.

Dawn said...

I linked from Kelly's blog and just wanted you to know that we are praying! Also, we have a friend who's son has this and he is fine-no other issues. Check out their blog and carepage

http://howardfamilyhappenings.blogspot.com/

Kim said...

Nikki -

I can't imagine the stress of what you are going through right now. And I know that a CH diagnosis is a tough one to get. But I thought I would give you a glimmer of hope. I am a teacher and I have a student in my class surviving with a large facial CH (which, from my research, is related to the neck/head ones). He is a very bright boy. He does have medical needs, but he is alive and a thriving six year old. No other chromosomal disorders. Just the CH. (It's related to the lymphatic system...I am sure you know all this by now.)

Anyway. I just thought I would mention that. It isn't the best case scenario, but it is a hopeful scenario!

I hope all is well, that the CH resolves, and that little Plum is born healthy!!!!