Untitled(because I can't muster one up)

Bean and I went for our 12 week appointment today. We got some good news, and some not as good news. Good news first. I only gained 2 pounds in 12 weeks. Ya'll, I can look at a cupcake in a magazine and gain 3 pounds, so I was very proud of myself. Also, my blood pressure was great. I have major "White Coat Syndrome". I was incredibly excited about that. My blood pressure is usually good when I check it at the office, but when I get to the MD office, I kinda freak out.

Now the...........let's say,.................................... not as good news.

The FNP I started with today was having a hard time finding Bean's heartbeat. Not too concerning since I'm only 12 weeks. Anyway, she suggested that we do an US while I was there, and of course I agreed. I was immediately excited, because not only would I get to hear the baby, but I would also get to see it. I did get to see Bean, and WOW!! All I can say about that is God is good, and amazing at how He creates life.

Anyway, the US tech was very throrough and kept looking for anything. She kept questioning my dates, and we went over, and over them. I am definite about the dates, so of course my mind started spinning, and obviously "What's going on?" Bean is on the small side. That in and of itself is not an issue. The US tech called in the physician, whom I absolutely admire for his morals, and practice standards. Dr. H. began to explain what we were seeing. Here's goes my dummed down explanation. It's dummed down because I had a really hard time understanding what was going on. It's amazing how you can here just fine until someone starts talking about your babies, and then all of your brain cells kinda go out the window.

Dr. H. told me that Bean has a Cystic Hygroma. Big words for swelling or edema around the brain and neck. He explained that this is a symptom of a problem, and not the actual problem itself. He went on to explain that a cystic hygroma is usually a symptom of a chromosomal disorder. When we say chromosomal, it's something like Down's Syndrome, Turner's Syndrome, or Edward's Syndrome. Some of these more serious, and with more immediate risks than others.

That's really all we know at this point. Dr. H. did give us worst and best case scenarios today. Worst case is obviously that Bean would die before they are able to deliver. Best case scenario is that the cystic hygroma would resolve on it's own, and we would only be left with some heart issues to deal with. Dr. H. did seem to lean more towards a chromosomal issue as opposed to a heart issue.

Chad and I will are going to Charlotte on Monday to a perinatologist at Presbyterian Hospital. Please pray for Chad, Clayton, Bean, and I. Our desire is for God to have His will and way in our life. We don't necessarily feel that a prayer for healing is what God is leading us to pray at this point. Although, if that is what He want to do, then that would be more than OK with us. Our prayer(and if you could make it yours too that would be great), is that God's will would be accomplished and that we would be accepting of what He has in store for us. Please pray for strength and wisdom as Chad and I will undoubtedly have some decisions to make soon.

God has done so much for us in the area of Chad's blood sugar, so graciously giving us Clayton to raise and love, a church that we love(and thinks loves us HA), a nice home(with an equally nicer payment), wonderful family, and a Beanie Baby to love. This is in addition to salvation, mercy, grace, love, and a home in heaven.

¹³For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb. ¹⁴I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. ¹⁵My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. ¹⁶Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them. ¹⁷How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them! ¹⁸If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee.

These are my favorite verses in the entire Bible. I think they fit today.