Tuesday, June 30, 2009


I don't usually do 2 posts in 1 day because I don't have that much to say. Usually you get mindless dribble about Clayton, Chad, Jo, and me. It's interesting to us, and every now and again it's funny. However, I was reading a blog and ran across comments that President Obama had made yesterday in response LGBT Pride Month. I had to rant. My Type A, obsessive, strong willed personality requires it.

  1. Why is there even an need for LGBT(Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transvestites) Pride Month. Is there a Heterosexual Monogamous Happily Married Month? Not that I know of, or have the opportunity to "march" in.
  2. "And though we've made progress, there are still fellow citizens, perhaps neighbors or even family members and loved ones, who still hold fast to worn arguments and old attitudes; who fail to see your families like their families; and who would deny you the rights that most Americans take for granted." President Obama's quote, obviously not mine. First of all, I don't take my rights as an American citizen for granted. I may not appreciate them as much now, as I will in the near future. Please let me know, how many main stream, tractor drivin', Bible totin', married to someone of the opposite sex, hard working, families want to sacrifice the things they work so hard for, and the things they work hard to protect, actually agree with this statement?
  3. "And I know that many in this room don't believe that progress has come fast enough, and I understand that. It's not for me to tell you to be patient, any more than it was for others to counsel patience to African Americans who were petitioning for equal rights a half century ago." Is there really a comparison between the two? Hello, you don't get to pick your skin color before you are born. You do get to choose your "orientation". Seriously, why would a black man even consider comparing the two? That seems disrespectful to people who worked so hard, and sacrificed their lives for equality. That's my opinion.
  4. "I've called on Congress to repeal the so-called Defense of Marriage Act to help end discrimination -- (applause) -- to help end discrimination against same-sex couples in this country. Now, I want to add we have a duty to uphold existing law, but I believe we must do so in a way that does not exacerbate old divides. And fulfilling this duty in upholding the law in no way lessens my commitment to reversing this law. I've made that clear." The majority of states currently uphold DOMA, for now. If agreeing with DOMA is the current view of the majority of our states, does one not think that it is the current view of the majority of those states residents?
  5. "And finally, I want to say a word about "don't ask, don't tell." As I said before -- I'll say it again -- I believe "don't ask, don't tell" doesn't contribute to our national security. (Applause.) In fact, I believe preventing patriotic Americans from serving their country weakens our national security. (Applause.)" Don't ask, don't tell, was a mistake from the beginning. Allowing people to serve in our military, that undermine the core concepts we were built on is simply dangerous. If we were to allow the incredibly out spoken Gay rights community to openly serve in the military, would they bring those same outspoken ideals, philosophies, and ways of communication to a very strict code of conduct that has served us pretty well for centuries?

Just my opinion. I did not vote for President Obama, and will not vote for his re-election in 2012, unless he comes to a saving knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ, therefore radically changing his views on almost everything. You can read the speech in its disgusting entirety on the White House's official website. Or just click below.



Our first night with Mommy running the house went like a dream, literally. We went to bed early and dreamed all night long. My kind of day.

What did I do that is out of my normal schedule? I watered the plants this morning, that's Chad's job, he wanted them, he has to water them. I cleaned up after dinner last night, again that's Chad's job. I bathe the child, and he cleans up from dinner. I let the dog out before bed, again Chad does that, because I normally go to bed so much earlier than him. I also rounded up Clayton, and got him ready to go to his Mawmaw's house this morning. Chad is always home to help with that, so it was a little different doing it by myself. I am glad I have a fantastic hubby that helps with all that stuff. I don't think I could, or ever want to, do it by myself. Thanks babe.

Now where the title of this post comes in to play. Clayton has discovered that he can remove his diaper, and go naked. Being naked isn't really something new, he totally loves it. However, the fact that he can do it himself makes nakey time so much better. The craziness began on Friday evening after VBS. We stopped at Walmart to get wagon train food. Apparently there are specific foods that you have to take with you when you ride horses in the boonies, out of cell range, for a week. Why would you ever willingly travel to a place where you couldn't check your email, Facebook, or blogger, for an entire week? Not this girl.

I digress. Wagon train food consisted of Beenie Weenies, Potted Meat(can we say gross), and Goober spread(you know the stuff with the PB and J all mixed together, again gross). It was really late when we got finished at Walmart, and Red was starting to come unglued. I stripped him down to a diaper(because super mom had forgotten to pack pajamas, even though she knew her family would be incredibly late getting home), gave him the sippy cup full of Nestle Strawberry Milk, and off we headed. Our church, and their super cool Walmart, are about 30 miles from our house. I think Clayton was asleep about 3 miles into our journey, because the Lightning McQueen cup was 3/4 full of milk. I left him in his diaper, and Chad laid him down in the bed when we got home. After all we live in the south, and it's hot here in the summer. I didn't think another thing about it until Saturday morning.

Saturday morning I hear Clayton rustling around in his crib. Not unusual, and I usually let him get good and awake before I rescue him from baby prison. As I was drifting in and out of consciousness I begin to hear Clayton yelling "Mama". It wasn't a distress call, or an SOS, so I didn't panic or hurry. When I made it into Clayton's room, I got the surprise of a life time. My 16 month old little boy, was completely naked. Naked as a jaybird(whatever that means), and as naked as the day he was born. He was so proud of himself. I immediately put him in a new, clean diaper. Then, with my heart in my throat I check to see what damage there would be to his bed. It's not like I had just washed his sheets the day before or anything like that. To my complete surprise he had not destroyed his crib in any way. When I found the diaper, I discovered that it was in fact still warm(TMI ?), so apparently he had just removed it.

That's how we roll. The week should only get more interesting.

Monday, June 29, 2009

I Really Am Alive

I know you wondering if I had passed on with Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Billy Mays. But, I am in fact still alive and kicking. Well, kicking might be a stretch. I have some kind of head congestion/consumption, and needless to say I am not happy about it.

Not much new to report. Baby girl is still growing, and I am definitely feeling her move again. I was concentrating my efforts in the wrong places because Clayton was always so big, and he was always low. Johanna on the other hand is smaller, and super high. Like above my navel(I love that word). Anyway, now that I know where she is, I'm feeling her moving.

In other big news. Chad is out of town this week. Where did he scoot off to? He's on a wagon train near Robbinsville, NC. I don't exactly know what a wagon train consists of, or even where Robbinsville is. In fact I had never heard of Robbinsville until Chad said he was going there. I do know that I want no part of riding horses, or wagons, in the summer heat. But, he's excited. That's all that matters. It's just Clayton and me this week. What ever will we get in to? IN all honesty, probably bath time at 8pm, and bed by 9pm, for both of us. We like to live adventurously. That's all I've got for today. I'll keep you posted on our adventures as the week unfolds.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Over It

I know I did a "Jon and Kate" post a few weeks, so this is my last one. As long as I remember that I said this was my last "Jon and Kate" post. If I forget just count it up to pregnancy insanity and chasing a red head.

I will shamefully and reluctantly admit that I'm a celebrity gossip hound. For some reason, unknown to even myself, I love to read about the random and strange lives of complete strangers. I have enjoyed reading all about Tom Cruise and his insane christian scientology escapades. I have enjoyed reading about all the weddings and babies born to the rich and famous. But the Gosselin thing is getting ridiculous. In my opinion.

I do realize they have a very large family, and that having 8 children all the same age would be very trying and taxing on any relationship. Sometimes Chad and I want to beat each other over the 1 year old that we have. And we only have 1 at a time to deal with.

I guess my beef with them, not that they or you care, is that they presented themselves as "christians". I do realize in our society that the term "christian" is relative, and has a different meaning to absolutely everyone. However, this was their platform throughout much of their show to date. You would see them attending church, speaking at church related or sponsored events, and there was scripture posted in their home. They even wore the T-Shirts. Probably a marketing gimmick, and it worked. Some of the recent attitudes and attacks have not exactly been Christ like. In fact, they seem malicious and vengeful.

I also realize, and appreciate, their attempt to "be real" with their viewers. I try to "be real" with my peeps that read this here blog. I feel that's fair. You read, or in their case watch, to see how people are dealing with real day to day, knuckles to the grind, all out issues. However, I have not and will not intentionally bash, demean, or belittle my husband or children publicly. I don't, and won't, always agree with Chad(hello, the donkeys). But that's part of being married. You gotta compromise. As someone with an aggressive/assertive nature like Kate Gosselin, it takes much discipline and work on my part, and with the Lord's help, to be a respectful wife. After all, Chad will have to answer to the Lord for how our family was run, not me. I'm off the hook on that one. So, I should try to make his job as easy as possible.

I guess I'm just rambling to say that I'm tired of hearing about their troubles. Both parties seem to have checked out on their marriage. And, that's just sad to me. Marriage is hard and it takes a lot of work. I get it, trust me I really do. I guess I just want them to keep their divorce stuff private for their children's sake. Those kids are old enough to remember everything their parents are doing to each other. And worse, it's playing out on a national stage. Unfair and disrespectful to those babies.

Any who, I guess you could say I'm over it, and I'm over them.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Just Thinking

This morning on "The Today Show" they ran a clip about baby Eliot Mooney. I haven't had the opportunity to watch it yet, but I will check it out when I get home this afternoon. Eliot was born with T18 in July of 2006. Their faith and courage is amazing to listen to. As I was doing some Internet surfing about Mr. Eliot, I began, obviously to think about Johanna. And to wonder what impact she is or will have on this world. I also began to think about being pregnant with a sick little girl. It's exactly the same, and completely different than being pregnant with a completely healthy little boy. I just thought I would share the thoughts I have rolling around up there today, and for that matter every day.

  • Carrying around a baby that you know is very sick is the hardest thing I have had to do thus far. It's even hard than the day that I found Chad basically unconscious, as a result of hypoglycemia. I didn't have time to think that day. All I could do was react to save his life. With Johanna, I have had a lot of time to think about her. I can't simply react this time. I have to think about everything carefully before I make a step.
  • Being pregnant in and of itself is fantastic. Mostly I feel great. I don't get sick when I'm pregnant, don't have a ton of back pain, and have a decent amount of energy. I love being pregnant. It's fantastic to feel your little one scooting around inside of you.
  • Emotionally I need more this time around. There are a lot of factors that contribute to this. Chad and I are much more busy than we were when I was pregnant with Clayton. Clayton needs me to take care of him, so I can't always release things when I feel the need to release them. And, probably the biggest kicker of them all. I have all of the emotions of dealing with a dying child. Sometimes it's just rough.
  • My cravings and dislikes are almost identical to what they were when I was pregnant with Clayton. Protein is almost a complete no-no. However, if something is battered and deep fried I'm all over it.
  • I have found that I get excited over different things with Jo than I did with Clayton. For example, her special dress that was made by a very special lady is finished, and I get to pick it up tonight. I have made a hobby/career out of ETSY and looking for the perfect bow to match the perfect dress to bury her in. I wouldn't have thought an activity this strange would have been possible to even think about a few months ago.
  • Although her diagnosis is tragic, I have enjoyed every ultrasound. It's been amazing to see her moving, and living. That may be the most I get to see her alive, and I'm enjoying all of it.

Just thinking today. It's amazing how life changes completely, but at the same time stays exactly the same. I of course want her to be a miracle baby, and be born completely healthy. What parent wouldn't want that. However, that is not Jo's reality.

It's a different kind of day. Not the best, but it's not bad either. Mediocrity is the spice of life. Have a great one.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Weekend Rappers

I just couldn't let the donkey opportunity pass me up yesterday. Today I'll give you the weekend run down. Cuz I know you care.

On Thursday Mom, Clayton, and I headed up the mountain to Pigeon Forge, TN for a little vacay and shopping. Mom treated me to a stay at "The Inn at Christmas Place". It was a fantastic place. All decorated for Christmas. Our room had a Christmas tree, Christmas decorated fireplace, and loads of other Christmas decorations. Even though it's June and 100 degrees outside it was great to start thinking about Christmas. I love Christmas and all that it should represent. Clayton thoroughly enjoyed climbing in and out of the empty cabinets in our room. And, he like the large "swimming pool"(aka jacuzzi tub) he had access too. This child loves the water, and loves playing in the water so he was like a pig in slop(thanks Chad).

Friday we shopped, of course. Clayton was the only one of us that came home with anything. Mom helped him get a great start on his fall/winter wardrobe. The Children's Place was having an amazing sale, so we scored big. After nap time for all 3 of us we headed to the pool for a few minutes, and again Clayton had a ball. I thought he might be a little scared of getting his face in the water. Nope. He would lean over in his little float thing just to put his face in the water. Too cute. He played for almost an hour before he just got too tired to continue. After the pool we headed to The Alamo for dinner. You don't know what The Alamo is? It's a fantastic steak house that we absolutely must visit every time we're in TN. Awesome vittles.

We came back home on Saturday morning, and Saturday evening we had our 2nd annual Youth vs Adults Softball Game for the fantastic folks at Calvary Bapt. Unfortunately the adults won(slaughtered) the kids. There's always next year. It was so ridiculously hot on Saturday. We should deffo start doing this in the fall.

Sunday was church day and Father's day. Sunday is always busy and this was no exception. We had lunch with Chad's fam, and dinner with mine. So we hit(visited, not actually attacked) all the Dads on their special day. Actually dads are so special and important maybe we should give them more than one day? Just a thought. Clayton gave Chad an Alabama Crimson Tide flag to hang outside during football season. We've been looking for one for a long time, and I was super excited to find one while on vacay. It might make an appearance before pig skin season. By the way, I'm ready for some football. Love it.

That's about all. Is that enough? I'm tired just thinking about all the craziness that happened this weekend. Throw in a couple of donkeys and you're done.

Monday, June 22, 2009

What do you do...........

.................... when your normally rational, intelligent husband tells you that he bought 2 donkeys?

Mild cardiac arrest, gastrointestinal problems, a light stroke, and maybe complete mental break down. That's what I did anyway.

Seriously, Chad purchased 2 donkeys while I was away on mini vacay. It is now apparent to me that I can't leave him alone unsupervised with livestock of any kind. I asked him why he felt the need to purchase said, and yet unnamed donkeys. "They seemed so helpless, and they need a good home, and I though I could give that to them." Have you lost your mind? A good home?

In my professional opinion, he has lost his mind. I think there are other issues behind the donkey purchase, but that's another post for another day. Please keep in mind that Chad is seriously a country boy. But, ya'll know that by now. I don't understand his need or desire for smelly, noisy, horse like creatures. But, I guess that's OK. He probably doesn't understand my incessant desire to shop for shoes.

There was so very much more to my weekend, but I just couldn't get it all in one post. And I felt the need to devote today's entire post to the donkeys. Maybe they're growing on me. Nope, not yet. We have VBS this week, and the donkeys are making an appearance. They really will go with the theme, and it's not just a shameless attempt on our part to parade our prize winning donkeys around in front of our entire church. If you're a parent of one of our church members, please don't tell your kiddies that there will be a donkey at VBS tonight. Chad wanted to keep it a surprise.

I hope you're laughing by now. It really is quite comical in a sad and sick kinda way. I wanted to lighten your load on a Monday. More posting to come about our weekend, and of course VBS, and the "Passport to the Promised Land".

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Merry Christmas Baby

Sorry so late in getting a post up today. I'm posting from Mom's mini lappy, and I'm finding it quite difficult. Just like Clayton's finding it difficult to sleep in his "rent a crib". By the way, we're on a little vacay in Pigeon Forge, TN until Saturday morning. Can you say shopping!!!!!

The OB appointment went great. Johanna still has a great heartbeat. She checked in at 149 beats per minute. And, I think I discovered why I wasn't feeling her moving anymore. She is a lot higher than I thought she was. And, she's a lot higher than Clayton ever was. I've noticed in the last few weeks that I have to eat smaller meals(that's not a bad idea though). She was actually laying a little above my navel. I was searching for movement in the wrong area. Silly me. Everything else checked out great considering the ultimate diagnosis. The OB that I go to can't do the Level II ultrasound, so I had the standard 20 scan today. JoJo is still measuring small, but she's been consistent in how small she is. She's growing at the same rate as "normal" babies. The US tech couldn't evaluate her heart in depth, but we will have that done in July at the MD in Charlotte. Johanna does have the T18 classic shaped strawberry shaped head. So, I think we might rename her "Strawberry Short Cake". Especially if she has Clayton's red hair.

Chad and I were able to get a lot of our questions answered today that no one had been able to answer before. I will be able to have her at our local hospital, and not have to go to Charlotte. Yippie. Also, I had a C-Section with Clayton, because he was super duper long, and I'm super duper short, and I loved it. Dr. H assured me that I would be able to have a section with Johanna. Only if my water breaks in the next 6 or so weeks will I have to deliver her the other way(guys I just saved you the details, thank me later). Dr. H also let us know that he, his office staff, and our hospital would make every adjustment they could to bring Johannna into the world in a way that suits our needs in this special case.

I absolutely love my OB. He is a religious man. I don't know all of his exact views on everything, but he believes in God, Christ, salvation, and prayer. He is incredibly pro-life. And, has recently stopped taking call with the other OB's in our office that are pro-choice. Thanks Dr. H. You're fantastic. He reinforced to me again today that he believes life starts at conception, God is the giver, and eventually the taker of life. That's exactly how we feel too.

Chad's appointment with the new Endo also went well. She seems to think she can get our insurance to pay for his CGM(Continuous Glucose Monitor) supplies. And, we might get reimbursed for the stuff that we have already paid out of pocket for. Awesome. He really liked her. And, that's a plus.

And now, I'm chilling at the "Inn at Christmas Place" in Pigeon Forge, TN. If you are ever afforded the opportunity to stay here you definitely should. It's super fly. Thanks Mom and Dad. I'm headed to bed, and putting this midget lap top away. Adios Amigos!!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Why Not Me?

This one's long, and I apologize from the beginning. If you have better things to do(like make a necklace from your toe nail clippings) I totally understand.

A very sweet lady in our church gave me a book to read entitled, "When God Breaks Your Heart", by Ed Underwood. This lady lost her husband of many many years last fall. She is a very precious lady. And we don't use the term "lady" loosely here in the south. She's earned it. I was very honored that she would even consider me worthy(for lack of a better word) to read her book. It's fantastic, you should deffo consider reading it if you've been through any kind of tragedy.

When I read the title I assumed that the book would be about dealing with the things/problems that God allows in your life. And in some ways it is. However, the main premise of the book is trusting God's plan even when you feel that He has disappointed you. That's a big pill to swallow, and if you're not ready then don't swallow it. We're always taught that God's will and plan are perfect, and they are. I'm not disputing that argument, and will never dispute it. I guess I had not let myself think that God's plan for Johanna's life, and the plan for our family, would be disappointing. After all, I'm a life long/career church girl. Besides work and sleep, it's all I do. And, I wouldn't change that for anything. I love it.

Sometimes we don't let ourselves believe or accept that God's ways aren't our ways, and that they can be disappointing, because that could mean(only to our minds) that we have a lack of faith. We aren't trusting, or being the appropriate Christian, if we don't fully like, accept, and appreciate what God is doing.

The author of this book uses the story of Lazarus' death and resurrection as his illustration through out the entire book. So far, he has focused more on the reactions of Mary and Martha, Lazarus' sisters, than on the miracle of Lazarus' resurrection.

Mr Underwood poses this question when we are facing a tragedy. "Why not me?" Let me explain how he uses the question. In our situation it would be posed as, why do I not get to have my daughter, and experience all the things a mother should with her daughter.? I'm a(trying to be anyway)godly, loving, caring, and thoughtful parent to my son, have I not proved that I can do this? Why does God take my child from me, and allow another parent to either abort, abuse, or neglect their child. It simply doesn't seem fair. And, to our human perspective(obviously it's the only one we have) it isn't fair. It's too hard to understand.

Mary and Martha asked this of Christ. This is paraphrased. "Lord why even bother raising Lazarus? Why didn't you come sooner when you could have helped him? Why didn't you do something to help your dear friend and our brother? You have healed other strangers, why did you let Lazarus die? And why now do you want us to open his grave? You know he has already started to decompose. " These are all valid questions, and they are part of grieving.

Are you ready for the answer? It's a good one.

He loves me. That's why He has chosen this path for me. He loves me and you too. He picked me/us to experience this level of hurt, so I get to experience a deeper level of love, grace, peace, and comfort from Him. Not that He loves me more than He loves anyone else. I am just fortunate to see a side of God that a lot of others won't be able to experience. I'm special, but you knew that already HAHA. It's a hard pill to swallow. Some days I don't want to be special. I want to be a normal(and if you know me, you know I'll never be normal) pregnant mom, carrying a normal baby girl. That's not His plan though. He has something bigger and better for me. And, I'm so excited to see what it's gonna be.

Just my thoughts for the day. Halfway through the week, and today's my Friday. Don't get jealous. A maybe dinner date after church tonight with the hubs, and a mini vacay the rest of the week. I really am living the good life. Take that Paris Hilton. I wouldn't trade with you if I could. Hope your day is as great as mine.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Tuesday Twattles

I just realized that I have a lot to update everyone on. Here goes.

Tomorrow morning Chad has an appointment with a new Endocrinologist. I think I'm more excited than he is for this appointment. If you don't know, the hubs is a Type 1 diabetic(formerly known as a juvenile diabetic). He's had diabetes for 10 years, and has had his fair share of problems related to the extra sweetness he has. He finally started seeing an endocrinologist last year, and that physician has helped him tremendously. They were able to get him started on an insulin pump, and thus his blood sugar's have been much more stable. In addition to, and related to diabetes, Chad has Hypoglycemia Unawareness. Simply that means his body doesn't know when his blood sugar is too low. Most people know when their blood sugar gets around 70 or 60. Chad won't feel it until about 40(coma level) or lower. He's had some real issues with that in the past, and we have to keep a constant watch on his numbers. I rambling. I said all of that to say this. When we got his insulin pump, we purchased, out of pocket, a Continuous Glucose Monitor(CGM). His current endo is not trained to use these or teach patients about these. So, we found him another one that is. In addition to being an endo, she is also a Certified Diabetes Educator(CDE), and was a helicopter pilot in the army(that's just cool). The CGM can constantly monitor his numbers, and hopefully provide a little more stability to the incredibly unstable Type 1 diabetes. I'm excited for him to go see this new lady tomorrow. Their office is about an hour away from us, and the appt is at 8:30am, so he's not as excited as I am. Oh well, it's in his(and by proxy mine) best interest.

I go back to my regular OB(not the perinatologist) on Thursday. I have an appointment, and the regular 20 week ultrasound. I'm excited and anxious all at the same time. There are a lot of emotions that surround every OB appointment. It's really hard to explain. I haven't felt Jo moving since Saturday, so I'm not sure what we'll find once we get there. But, that's all in the Lord's hands anyway. I'm not sure if it's because I've been incredibly busy, and just haven't noticed her movements or if she's already gone. I'm surprisingly calm about all of this though. I'm a little on the high strung side, so I'm not really sure why this isn't bothering me yet. Just taking it as it come, 1 day at a time. I do desire your prayers regarding this appointment. I didn't see the point going any sooner, since I already had the appointment for this week. If she is gone or going, there's nothing I can do to stop or prevent it. We know the inevitable will come for us sooner or later as far as this pregnancy is concerned.

I think I have made it to a point where we will be able to have a funeral or burial service for her. That's something I need. I can't explain that either. It's just something I need to do for me.

OK, I didn't mean to totally kill your mood today. I'm sorry if I did. Just trying to be honest, and keep everyone updated on what's going on.

Mom, I really am OK today, don't worry. It's a good day.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Do you like???

Trying a little something different with the blog layout and design. If you don't like, or it's cumbersome to read, please, please, let me know. I don't want to lose all 7 readers.

Friday, June 12, 2009

My Princess

We're having a lock in for our girls tonight at church. It's a princess themed lock in. We're gonna do hair, makeup, nails, facials, and other all girlie stuff.

Yesterday I was getting a few things together, and it only reminded me more that I won't get to see my little girl turn in to a princess(or a tomboy, but you get the point). I'm not having a bad day, and nothings wrong, I just wanted to share my thought process. This blog is like a journal for me. I'm so very honored that someone besides my Mom and Simply Donna actually want to read it. I hope I can help someone else that might face these same things one day. I digress.

Back on point. I was buying hair bows and nail polish, and I just realized(I'm a little slow on the uptake I realize this now) that Johanna and I won't get to do these things together. I most likely won't be able to have her ears pierced, paint her tiny nails, or put big bows in her hair. I will probably be able to put her in only 1 dress, the dress she's buried in. Surprisingly, none of this saddened or disappointed me. I'm glad God gave me this thought on Thursday and not Wednesday. On Wednesday I would've downed a whole bottle of chocolate syrup if this realization would have happened.

While I am deeply heart broken, and sometimes feel a little cheated, that I won't have the opportunity to experience all of these things with my daughter, I still have a hope for her. My God will take her to be with Him, and He will make her His perfect princess. I don't imagine there's a need for princess parties in Heaven, but I like to imagine my little red headed(I'm hoping)girl perfected and healthy, care free, loving, and worshipping Her Lord. I don't know much about Heaven or what we will experience there. But, it give me great joy to think of Johanna enjoying all that God has to offer her in His heavenly home.

I hope I didn't depress you with all of this. It certainly wasn't my intention. This was intended to be uplifting. I felt uplifted after I thought on these things. It's just another thought I've had, and I'm trying to be 100% honest with all of you. I want Christ to be seen through all of this. If He's not seen and glorified, then Johanna's life will have been in vain.

I'm off to party with our fantastic church girls.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Summer Recipes / Randomness

Today's a much better day. I didn't wake up in tears and heartbroken like I did yesterday. I'm tired and puffy eyed today, but that's OK, because it is substantially better than yesterday. I have tasks that have to be completed today, and I get to wear jeans and flip flops to work. Awesome. And, I might have a fruit smoothie at lunch. And, it's my Friday. No, I can't sleep and rest all day tomorrow. Yes, I have real things to do. I'm a pastor's(associate) wife, so there is always something to be done. Gotta get ready for a lock in for the girls in our church. Should be a blast.

So yesterday T. Sharee(I love saying that by the way, it just rolls off your tongue) asked me if I had any summer recipes. Uhm................................not so much. I don't cook all that much. I leave that to Chad and Mom. My version of cooking is KFC, Fatz, and Chick Fil A. That's probably why Chad's blood sugar is screwy and I'm too short for my weight. I can cook, I just don't really enjoy it. It's just something that has to get done, kinda like the laundry. I do have one dish that I think is perfect for summer, portable, and incredibly easy.

"Pasta Salad for Dummies(a reference for the rest of us)"
1 box tri-color rotini pasta
Fresh broccoli
Fresh cucumbers
Cherry or Grape tomatoes
Ranch dressing(I prefer Hidden Valley because I'm a condiment snob)
Grates Parmesan Cheese (optional)
Feta Cheese (optional)

1. Boil the rotini to your desired amount of doneness. Al Dente', if you prefer.
2. Drain the noodles well, and dump in a large bowl.
3. Wash, dry, and chop broccoli, cucumbers, and tomatoes. We like little veggie pieces, so I chop small. However, if you like larger pieces, make them larger.
4. Add chopped veggies to the drained pasta.
5. Squirt as much ranch dressing as you would like in the pasta. I don't like a dry pasta salad, but I don't want to drink it with a straw either. It's at your discretion how much you use.
6. Stir
7. Add parmesan cheese and Feta cheese if you would like. Again, add to taste. I'm a Feta fanatic, so I add a lot. It's your world, so add what you'd like
8. Refrigerate. Will last about 2 days in the fridge, before it starts to get runny and gross.
That's about all there is to it. You can add any other fresh veggies you would like, if you would like. The hubs always tells me that olives would be tasty. I think olives are gross and smell like feet, so I'm not putting them in my pasta salad.


Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Blah Day

It's a blah day. Nothing really is wrong, but at the same time everything is wrong. Does that make any sense at all?

I don't think I'm good for anything today except napping, and that won't happen for a long, long time.

No creative sentences or Nikkisms today. I know you expected more, and hopefully tomorrow I can deliver.

Toodles for now.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

I was surfing the net, and ran across something I wanted to share with my peeps. Dennis and Barbara Rainey of Family Life Today lost an infant granddaughter in June of 2008. Their circumstances are somewhat different than ours, but at the same time they are exactly the same. I hope the honesty in Dennis Rainey's words touches you in the same way that it touched me.

Mighty Molly,
I just met you—I feel cheated.
I don’t want to say goodbye.
I know I’ll likely see you in a couple of decades or so—in light of eternity, it won’t be long, really. Still I don’t want to say goodbye.
You will always be my Molly, my granddaughter. I’m really sad that I won’t be getting to spoil you with a doll, or go sneak chocolate, or take you on ice cream dates, and eat chocolate pie and pudding. Laughing all the time at what your mommy and daddy would say if they knew what we were doing. I don’t want to say goodbye.
Your seven days sure brought a lot of joy to your mom and dad’s face—I’ve watched them drink you in with their eyes, kiss you from head to foot, stroke and caress you.
Your parents loved you well—God couldn’t have given you better parents. Courageous parents. They have loved you with a sacrificial love that only a very few little girls like you ever get to experience. Because it hurts their hearts so much, oh, how I really don’t want to say goodbye.
And so, Sweet Molly, until that day in heaven when we will celebrate the Greatness of our God together (then we will go sneak chocolate and go on an ice cream date) I must say goodbye.
Goodbye, Molly Ann.
I love you,
Molly Ann Mutz
June 13, 2008—June 19, 2008

Sunday, June 7, 2009

He Knows My Name

He counts the stars one and all
He knows how much sand is on the shores
He sees every sparrow that falls
He made the mountains and the seas
He's in control of everything
Of all creatures great and small

And He knows my name
Every step that I take
Every move that I make
Every tear that I cry
He knows my name
When I'm overwhelmed by the pain
And can't see the light of day
I know I'll be just fine
'Cause He knows my name

Verse 2
I don't know what tomorrow will bring
I can't tell you what's in store
I don't know a lot of things
I don't have all the answers
To the questions of life
But I know in whom I have believed


He knew who I was when He carried my cross
He knew that I would fail Him but He took the loss


Every step that I take
Every move that I make
Every tear that I cry

Aren't you glad He knows who you are.

P.S. Please ignore the advertisement. It was on the page where I copied the lyrics, and I couldn't get it to go away.

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Wife of the Year!!

Who gets the award?

Myself of course. Who else would I bestow this honor upon. Here's why I gave myself this award. And it's not because I'm conceited. Stop laughing. Seriously don't laugh at me.

Last night I went to a horse sale. That's right folks, a horse sale. In a barn. With horses. And saddles. And tack. And horses.

My husband is country boy. He grew up on a poultry(chicken) farm, and worked on a pig(commercial hog) farm while he was in high school. Unless he's dressed in his church suit, or asleep, he has on boots. Constantly wears a hat, ball cap, or outback outdoor Crocodile Dundee type thing. Back in the day(way back) he was a team pinner. Team pinning is a concoction of ropes, cows, and horsemanship. You'll have to google it because that's all I know. Sorry. He is all of those things, and I am absolutely NONE of them. I don't get horses or cows. Don't know anything about hay or salt licks(? salt blocks, see told you I knew nothing).

Anyway, Chad wanted to go to the horse sale last night in Vale, NC. I would never willingly choose to go sit in a smelly, hot barn to look at tack and horses. That's Chad's idea of a good time. I was hoping that we would get to go to a movie. Boy, was I way off. Way off. I'll spare you the details, but we had a good time. Horses are pretty and they do neat things. Clayton was kinda impressed with the ponies.

That's why I gave myself the wife of the year award. I went to a barn and looked at, and smelled, horses for 3 hours on a Friday evening.

I think I forgot to mention that Chad gave me a prenatal massage for Mother's Day. I had that yesterday. Fantastic. He really is the best husband for me. Love ya babe. Our "date" really was a good time. We should deffo do it again. Just not any time soon. I'm still a little scarred.

Friday, June 5, 2009

Just Thinking

I was thinking today(a stretch I know) about how life changes in the blink of an eye. I was just thinking about how one minute you're 18 graduating high school, and the next you're 27 and expecting baby #2. How did that happen? When did my adult life start?

It's amazing how all the little decisions culminate into life. Somethings seem so obvious and easy. Other things are difficult and their related decisions aren't made easily.

I am amazed that Clayton is almost 16 months old. He's walking, running, talking(kinda), learning to throw a ball, riding his toys, and so much more. It doesn't seem possible that he is as old as he is. I hope he can be as pleased with his adult life as I am with mine.

I have a great job, a great church, a nice house, a family that supports me and my decisions, a fantastic red headed little boy, and the only husband for me. God's been good to me.

Just thinking.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Preggy Update

I haven't done a totally pregnancy related post in a while simply because it doesn't consume my life(most of the time) and it doesn't consume my blog(most of the time).

Johanna and I have made it to 18 weeks and 2 days. As far as we know she's still going strong in there. A few days ago I ate a 100 calorie pack of the Hostess Chocolate Cupcakes, and she went wild. It was kinda crazy. I mean I'm feeling her every day now, but this was insane. It was like baby crack. Clayton has baby crack too. It's milk. He goes absolutely nuts when he sees you putting milk in his cup, or when he sees the milk jug. I could be making mashed potatoes, he sees the milk, and then he has to have a fix. Milk rehab may be in our future.

I have also come to the place where I can't sleep completely on my stomach. That's a Greek tragedy. I'm a belly sleeper and have been forever. I have had to move to my right side now. Also, I itch all the time. I didn't have this with Clayton so I'm a little confused by it. It's really bad some nights and I have to take a Benadryl for the actual intended use, not just as a sleep aid. The lizard eyes are much better(thanks for asking). I also can't sleep through the night any longer. Potty breaks for me. At least 2, usually 3. Was that TMI? Probably.

What else is there? All complaining aside, I feel great. I absolutely love being pregnant. If it wasn't for gaining weight and swelling feet I would do this a lot. Chad might not agree. He kinda hinted a few days back that I needed anti-anxiety meds. What was that about? I probably do, but not because I'm pregnant. I'm just high strung. I love feeling Jo moving, so far she seems to be in about the same pattern that her big brother was in. More in the evenings, and after eating. Caffeine doesn't really set her off all that much, which is great because I drink a lot(don't tell me OB). I also love maternity clothes. They are so comfy. Motherhood Maternity makes this thing called the "Secret Belly". It's like panty hose attached to the top of your pants. Whoever thought of this should get the Nobel Prize.

I think that's all I got for today. Off tomorrow. Clayton and I have a trip to the Grands, and then I have a Massage and a Facial tomorrow afternoon. Yippie for husbands, co-workers, and gift certificates. I can't wait.

Now, on to life's other great question. Do you think I could get away with feeding my family sandwiches again tonight?

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Crazy 8's

8 Things I'm Looking Forward to

  1. VBS (I love VBS it's so much fun. As adults, when else do we get to have snack and crafts all in the same night at church?)
  2. Jamie's HS graduation(FYI she's my youngest and longest running SIL).
  3. Massage and a facial on Friday. WOOT!!!
  4. Christmas(I really like Christmas, it's fun, loud, and there's lots of great food)
  5. Seeing Johanna on US again in a few weeks
  6. Everyday with Chad and Clayton
  7. Growing old with my husband
  8. Getting Clayton out of the bed after his nap today

8 Things I Did Yesterday

  1. Ate at a new restaurant for lunch
  2. Made my family eat sandwiches for dinner
  3. Had a couch "date" with the hubs. It was incredibly romantic........... we watched Man vs. Wild. We live on the edge.
  4. Ignored laundry and played with Clayton
  5. Blogged
  6. Facebooked
  7. Cryed
  8. Laughed

8 Things I Wish

  1. Chocolate had no calories
  2. Gummy bears didn't stick to my teeth
  3. The world was fair
  4. I was taller(I'm very short for my weight)
  5. I could make time stand still some days and keep Clayton this age forever(but I also want him to grow and be all that God wants him to be. Paradoxical)
  6. The massage and facial were an every Friday occurence
  7. I liked to drink more than just Sweet Tea, Dt. Mtn Dew, Dt. Coke, and Water. There's a whole world of possibilities out there and my taste buds refuse me that world.
  8. Milk tasted better

8 Shows I watch

  1. 24
  2. Deadliest Catch
  3. Man vs Wild
  4. Whose Wedding Is It Anyway
  5. Clean House
  6. Curious George
  7. House
  8. Chad usually controls the remote, so we watch what he wants. That's OK, cuz' I go to bed really early. He usually has to tote me to bed when he goes cuz' I fell asleep on the couch. It's a charmed life.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Uhm.......that was strange

So yesterday was probably one of the strangest days ever.

I had a birthday yesterday. That's not the strange part. I mean you have one every year, so you kinda come to expect them.

When I woke up yesterday, I was incredibly exhausted. I mean I was so tired I cried through my shower. Do you feel sorry for me now? Don't worry, I wouldn't either. This is the life I wanted, I just didn't know it when I was a kid. Work was a sorta calm zoo. Mondays are the busiest day of our work, and they never disappoint. Always a blast in one way or another. Here's where the fun begins.

Chad(finally) had my car inspected yesterday morning. He brought my car to the office when he was finished and I relinquished the keys to his truck. When I went to lunch my car wouldn't start. Wouldn't turn over. Wouldn't do anything. It was dead in the water. Had kicked the bucket. Finito. Pushing up daisies. Get the point? I don't handle car issues all that well. I expect my car to start and run properly every time I need it to. I called my handy dandy repair man(ie Chad) to come and fix it. Apparently when it was inspected, the headlights were left on. Dead battery. Not a big deal. Chad got that problem fixed. However, while he was messing with the battery, he began to feel a little worse for the wear. Low blood sugar. Good times were had by all. Thankfully(and I really do mean that) he didn't go to that far away land he goes to sometimes when he has a low blood sugar. We scooted down the hill to McD's and got a Coke and some chicken nuggets. All was right with the world again.

Back at work. Things are cruizin' along quite nicely, except for the minor detail that I'm still an emotional wreck. Why do preggo hormones affect us this way? Growl. Basically I'm a hot mess. Chad had mentioned my B-Day, so I thought he had forgot. That along with exhaustion, car oops', and low blood sugar almost sent me over the edge. About 4pm I received flowers. I was so excited I thought Chad had remembered. I read the card and they were from Mom and Dad. I was very excited to get them because they were beautiful, but I confess I wanted them to be from the hubs(don't get mad at him yet). These flowers were yellow roses and daises, but with a lemon in the bottom of the vase. My immediate thought was that someone was trying to tell me that I'm sour(probably true). After texting I discovered that the lemon was actually to represent "Lemons to Lemonade". I was really excited about the flowers then. They were the perfect ending to that day. I then realized that they had been ordered before the 'rents knew anything about the crazy lunch time fiasco. Too cool. Somebody loves me.

At about 4:58(seriously) more flowers come through the door. I got tickled this time. This bouquet was huge. It really was gigantic. The hubs had come through. Thanks babe. I really did not expect to get flowers from him. That's so not Chad at all. In fact he's only sent flowers to me one other time, the day I went back to work after Clayton was born. He brings flowers home on occasion, and I really do like it when he does that(he reads, and I'm hinting). I got 2 sets of flowers yesterday. They were both totally different and equally beautiful. Sweets, thanks so much for loving me enough to think of me on our crazy, insane day. Your surprise was the perfect way to end the day. I'm glad I got to spend the evening with you. I hope we have many more B-Days together.

After work Chad's parents had dinner for us at their house. Clayton spent the day over there so it was pretty convenient. My MIL makes the best spaghetti in the world. I have no idea what's different about her spaghetti but it's fantastic. Yummo. She also made a red velvet cake with cream cheese icing. My fave. Thanks Carswells, dinner was great. Andrew and Trish were back from their HMoon so we had great company. We all watched the wedding video and had a good laugh. It's great to be around people that have just gotten married. Time and life changes how you interact with one another, and it's supposed to. Their new love for each other is contagious though.

All in all, it was a great day. Strange. Odd. Unusual. Glad we've moved on to Tuesday.