Wednesday, July 29, 2009

I Will Not Be Moved

After a meeting at church last night, Clayton and I were headed home and we were jamming to Natalie Grant, and I begin to think. This may or may not come as a shock to you. My mind wanders A LOT. I tend to over analyze absolutely everything. It's annoying to all those around me, and to myself as well. We were listening to "I Will Not Be Moved", and began to think about Jo, her issues, and what it's taken from me. Then, the Lord, almost audibly, said "I'm still here, so you've lost nothing". We might say it like "Quit complaining, there's a plan, stick to what you're doing".

We were jamming, singing, dancing(Clayton, not me, I was driving, and I'm not that good of a driver anyway), and praying all the way home. I set the CD player to repeat, and we listened to her song quite a few times. God settled some things for me, and I want to share them with you. 'Cuz I know you care that much.

  • I will not be moved from my Savior. I can't be. It's impossible. He couldn't lose me even if He wanted to, and since He doesn't want to, then I'm safe.
  • I will not be moved from my belief that EVERY life is valuable. Jo isn't healthy or perfect, but she is still valuable. God formed her the way the He wanted her. He is the giver and taker of life.
  • I will not be moved from Clayton. He's my bud. He will never know his sister, simply because he's so young. But, I get the privilege to teach him about her, and to teach him about all the ways that God worked in this situation.
  • I will not be moved from Chad. Besides Christ, he's my rock. He keeps me sane and calm. Not an easy task by any means. Jo's life and impeding death has changed us forever. I don't like change, so it has taken some acclimating on my part, but it's already been a change for the better. We were up late talking Monday evening, and I thought to myself, if it's this good now, what will it be like when we're 55, 65, 75, or 90? I love living my life with you babe
  • I will not be moved from my family. It would be very easy for me to not let our families in on our pain. But what or whom would that benefit? Nothing and no one. If we can learn and grow as a unit, then the pain has been worth it.
  • I will not be moved from enjoying this pregnancy. That's easy to say today, tomorrow may not be the same. I purposed within myself back in May, that with God's help I would enjoy every day that I have with Johanna. If she's born alive, I won't have her long. And, right now I get to be totally selfish with her love. I'm the only one who can feel her, and know her routines at this point. I'll have to share her soon enough, so I'm enjoying having her all to myself.
  • I will not be moved from my faith. I believe God is sovereign. Only He knows what all He is doing through her life. Most likely, Chad and I will never know what her short life will accomplish. God knows though.
  • I will not be moved from my excitement to see her again, perfected and holy. I have a refreshed sense of Heaven and eternity now.

"On Christ the solid rock I stand. All other ground is sinking sand."


Joan Carr said...

You are Growing in the Lord, and it is the painful things that either drive us to HIM or away from HIM. For me the only option is to go running to God with any difficult situation, or any joyous situation. I want to just go running to God with all things.

Pam said...


Simply Donna...... said...

You are an amazing person. Love ya!

Brandon, Andrea and Emma said...

I love this post...that's all I have to say right now!

chris mitch travis cana said...

a friend of mine sent me a link to a post about how suffering is meant to mature the body of Christ, the church. It's a beautiful thing when Christ deems US worthy to have a taste of His glory within His suffering. Like we deserve anything!!! Thank you Lord for trusting us with this heavy heavy cross. And thank you Lord for showing us how to carry it...and for carrying it with us!