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Johanna's funeral is later this afternoon. At the moment, I have a million emotions all fighting their way to get free.  I have no idea what to expect the day to bring.  I am positive there will be sadness and heartbreak, but I'm hoping there will be joy, praise, and maybe even a little humor thrown in somewhere.

I have been to hundreds(and I'm probably not stretching that number) of funerals in my lifetime.  It's part and partial to being the pastor's daughter and then the pastor's wife.  However, I never been to a funeral where my place is to sit "under the tent".  I've never been listed as a survivor in an obituary. I've never been one of the ones that everybody will speak to after the service is over.  I've never been the one to decide who will do what during the service, and in what order they are to do their thing.  Today is truly a first.

There are parts of today that I obviously dread.  Even though Jo has been gone from this world for almost 72 hours, there is a finality of sorts that comes along with today's festivities. Because Chad and I have known for months that this day would be coming, we were able to prepare ahead of time(I've had her funeral more or less planned since August).  That has made the past few days much more relaxing. 

We have a short grave side service planned to celebrate Jo's 63 precious minutes, and to honor our Lord.  My father will have the first part of the service.  I selfishly asked him to speak on Jo's verse, Psalm 139:14.  A few weeks back he brought the Sunday pm service from this text.  It was a powerful message about God's presence, power, and knowledge.  I felt that it was so fitting for today. After Dad is finished, then Chad's father will say a prayer.  I'm sure it will be a prayer of love, thanksgiving, grace, mercy, and peace.  Pawpaw has the most tender heart, and he always has a smile.  Thinking about him now, makes me smile. After Pawpaw is finished, then our(Chad and me) first real adult pastor(that's a long story that I don't feel like telling) Scott Moneyham will finish out the service.  Bro. Scott is a fantastic and powerful preacher.  He may or may not be one of my all time favorites.  I think we have a good line-up.  After a lot of prayer, this is how Chad and I wanted to commemorate the passing of our daughter.

I have no delusions that today will not be a sad and mournful day.  However, I want today to be joyful.  Johanna's life was a miracle(as is every life) that our family was blessed to be a part of.  We are forever changed because of her 63 minutes, and all the months leading up to those precious moments.  I miss my daughter more than I have the words to express at this point.  But, I would not dare bring her back from where she is.  She has been rejoicing and praising her Lord since Friday morning.  That thought makes me jealous of her.

I know this has been jumbled, but my thoughts are jumbled.  It's a mixture of emotions, hormones, and pharmaceuticals. I can't seem to remember anything at all. Please pray for our family today.  Our prayer is that God be glorified in all of today's proceedings. We His name to be up lifted and praised.  There will be a lot of tears, but that's OK.  God understands our tears.

Maybe tomorrow I will share Jo's birth/life story.  It's truly amazing.  I want to be very specific about all the prayers that God answered for us. You'll truly be amazed.