Lessons from the Acorn

Yes you read the title correctly. And, no I am not losing my mind. Well, maybe. But, that's a different post entirely.

Tonight was our annual Ladies banquet at church. Think 150-200 ladies, laughing, eating, talking, and eating. Fantastic foodies. I had the alfredo, and it was fantastic. I loves me some alfredo, and it's the preggo craving of the week. Seriously I think I have had it about 5 times since last Friday.

The speaker chosen for this year was Ms. Beth Gilliam. She is wife to Evangelist Tom Gilliam. They travel constantly, ministering to God's people, and teaching us how to grow in the Lord. She is a FANTASTIC speaker, and a super nice lady to simply have conversation with.

This evening she spoke on saturating ourselves in the word of God. She used an illustration of an acorn that becomes a mighty oak to make her point. Please keep in mind that before she traveled full time with her husband she was a kindergarten teacher for a number of years. She even had illustrations for us. She really had her stuff together. She illustrated different parts of the acorn / oak trees life, and related them to growing in the Lord. Constantly changing, and becoming more what the Lord would have us to be. The very last point in her message (I don't mean like a sermon the preacher preaches, I mean her speech but I couldn't think of another word to us) was about the oak tree learning to be thankful for the wind and storms that the Lord had sent. Uhm, was she talking to everyone or just me? I think just me.

I have made the comment this week that Chad and I were accepting of what God is doing in Johanna's life(and I am), and subsequently ours, but that I didn't like what He was doing. OK, Nikki, open mouth and insert foot. As Ms. Beth was speaking I became convicted of that attitude. I should be thankful for what God is doing. At this point I don't know how to be thankful of the fact that I may never get to hold my daughter in my arms and sing her to sleep. I don't know how to be thankful of the fact that if Johanna is born, I might have only hours to spend with her. It's hard for our human minds to find thankfulness in such a situation. How are we supposed to be thankful for the hurts that come our way? I'm not talking about the petty stuff that we all face day to day. I'm talking about the biggies. I think we qualify for a biggie right now. Maybe not, but I feel like this is a HUGE deal for our family.

My prayer tonight is for God to make me thankful for what He is doing. I still don't like it. Is it OK to be thankful for a situation, and still not like it? I honestly have no idea. I don't understand what God is doing right not. I don't know if I will this side of eternity or not. But, I do want a thankful heart and spirit in ALL aspects of my life. He has done so much for me, how can I not be thankful? I wouldn't give Clayton or Johanna to save the life of any one of you, but He gave the life of His son when He sent Jesus to Calvary for me. I don't want a bitter spirit. I don't want to become angry with God, or with those around me. I don't want to question God forever about His ways. I want to learn and grow.

Drying tears now. I'm glad I have already taken off my mascara or we would be in a mess. Note to self, invest in water proof mascara.

Job said it the best.

Then Job arose, and rent his mantle, and shaved his head, and fell down upon the ground, and worshipped, And said, Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither: the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD. In all this Job sinned not, nor charged God foolishly. Job 1:20-22

This is my prayer today.