Saturday, May 2, 2009

Lessons from the Acorn

Yes you read the title correctly. And, no I am not losing my mind. Well, maybe. But, that's a different post entirely.

Tonight was our annual Ladies banquet at church. Think 150-200 ladies, laughing, eating, talking, and eating. Fantastic foodies. I had the alfredo, and it was fantastic. I loves me some alfredo, and it's the preggo craving of the week. Seriously I think I have had it about 5 times since last Friday.

The speaker chosen for this year was Ms. Beth Gilliam. She is wife to Evangelist Tom Gilliam. They travel constantly, ministering to God's people, and teaching us how to grow in the Lord. She is a FANTASTIC speaker, and a super nice lady to simply have conversation with.

This evening she spoke on saturating ourselves in the word of God. She used an illustration of an acorn that becomes a mighty oak to make her point. Please keep in mind that before she traveled full time with her husband she was a kindergarten teacher for a number of years. She even had illustrations for us. She really had her stuff together. She illustrated different parts of the acorn / oak trees life, and related them to growing in the Lord. Constantly changing, and becoming more what the Lord would have us to be. The very last point in her message (I don't mean like a sermon the preacher preaches, I mean her speech but I couldn't think of another word to us) was about the oak tree learning to be thankful for the wind and storms that the Lord had sent. Uhm, was she talking to everyone or just me? I think just me.

I have made the comment this week that Chad and I were accepting of what God is doing in Johanna's life(and I am), and subsequently ours, but that I didn't like what He was doing. OK, Nikki, open mouth and insert foot. As Ms. Beth was speaking I became convicted of that attitude. I should be thankful for what God is doing. At this point I don't know how to be thankful of the fact that I may never get to hold my daughter in my arms and sing her to sleep. I don't know how to be thankful of the fact that if Johanna is born, I might have only hours to spend with her. It's hard for our human minds to find thankfulness in such a situation. How are we supposed to be thankful for the hurts that come our way? I'm not talking about the petty stuff that we all face day to day. I'm talking about the biggies. I think we qualify for a biggie right now. Maybe not, but I feel like this is a HUGE deal for our family.

My prayer tonight is for God to make me thankful for what He is doing. I still don't like it. Is it OK to be thankful for a situation, and still not like it? I honestly have no idea. I don't understand what God is doing right not. I don't know if I will this side of eternity or not. But, I do want a thankful heart and spirit in ALL aspects of my life. He has done so much for me, how can I not be thankful? I wouldn't give Clayton or Johanna to save the life of any one of you, but He gave the life of His son when He sent Jesus to Calvary for me. I don't want a bitter spirit. I don't want to become angry with God, or with those around me. I don't want to question God forever about His ways. I want to learn and grow.

Drying tears now. I'm glad I have already taken off my mascara or we would be in a mess. Note to self, invest in water proof mascara.

Job said it the best.

Then Job arose, and rent his mantle, and shaved his head, and fell down upon the ground, and worshipped, And said, Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither: the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD. In all this Job sinned not, nor charged God foolishly. Job 1:20-22

This is my prayer today.


<----- That's me... said...

Good thing I don't wear make up or we would have a mess :) Hahaha..

The thankful thing hit home to me too. Over Johanna actually. I may not be as affected as you by this but I am still affected and even though I promised Him I would praise Him and thank Him no matter what His plan for her was. I was going to do it after she was born or after something happened.

So tonight as we prayed, and as hard as it was I actually thanked God for giving Johanna Edward's and for putting all of us through this storm because just like the little acorn the storm brought wonderful things. && I believe even if we don't see it now that He will bring wonderful things from our storm. I'm sure Acorn didn't see beautfiul things coming when the squirrel burried him, just like we didn't/don't see what will come from this trial with Johanna.

Okay so I wrote that and cried haha..
I love you Nikki :)

Joan Carr said...

The Why's in this world you may never get, and really does not do us any good to ask them. God does so much that we will not ever know why on this earth.(your dad taught me long ago not to ask why but to change it and ask "What can I learn from this situation")That has helped me many times.
We try to think of Him in human forms, but thankfully He is not.

God continually will work in your hearts as Johanna continues to impact your lives. But, you do need to allow yourself to go through all the processes of all the emotions that you are feeling. Because sooner or later they will come along and surface.

What a message, Ms. Beth did a wonderful job last night. Forgiveness,Loving, and Thankful. Much to live by isn't it.

Love You more than Life itself,I'm praying for God......

Rebecca said...

Wow. I'm in awe of the faith you have to be able to ask to be thankful for what God is doing. I do have moments of thankfulness for what He has done/is doing through our present dark time, but I have yet to feel truly thankful for the dark time itself. Not sure if that makes sense or not. Thank you for posting that verse from Job. It was just the reminder I needed.

Praying for your family.

Stay at Home Mommy said...

Nikki, I am in awe of your trust in the Lord. I can't imagine that I could handle this situation with such grace as you have shown. I am amazed by the strenght you have , It makes me want to be more for the Lord. I love you and am praying for you!