Just For Fun

I saw this floating around on Facebook, and thought it was just fun. I did take the Facebook specific questions out so that everything made sense.

1. What was the last thing you put in your mouth? Water
2. Can you play Guitar Hero? Yes I can. I'm not as good as some, but I can beat Chad!
3. Name someone who made you laugh today? Our patients make me laugh every day
4. How late did you stay up last night and why? 9:45pm, not very late
5. If you could move somewhere else, would you? Nah, I like it here pretty good
6. Name one thing you love about your body! Feet, when I'm not super preggo. I usually keep my toenails painted and looking decent.
7. Which of your friends lives closest to you? Chad, he's my BFF
8. Do you believe ex's can be friends? Uhm.....sure. I don't really have an opinion.
9. How do you feel about Dr Pepper? Gross
10. If you could do any job in the world what would it be? Flight Paramedic
11. Who was the last person you took a picture of? 100% positive it was Clayton
12. Was yesterday better than today? Nope, every day is better than the last
13. Can you live a day without TV? Yeah......however, I need my Blackberry, Facebook, Google, and Blogger on a daily basis
14. Are you upset about anything? I guess not, it wouldn't be worth it anyway
15. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it? Always worth it
16. Are you a bad influence? Probably.........wait I meant absolutely not
17. Night out or night in? I like them both, and would love to have either one
18. What items could you not go without during the day? Blackberry, CO Bigelow Lip Gloss
19. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital? I honestly have no idea
20. What does the last text message in your inbox say? "Oh oh oh can I throw the confetti?" It's a way long story.
21. How do you feel about your life right now? Fantastic
22. Do you hate anyone? Nope
23. Do you like your wedding ring or do you secretly wish it was different? I don't secretly wish it were different. I want a bigger diamond, and a band with way more sparkles on it. It's OK, Chad knows.
24. Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass? I'll never tell. Nah, you know I would. I can't take a Benadryl and stay awake.
25. Would you ever get some plastic surgery? I guess so.
26. What song is stuck in your head? It's the one on the easy touch faucet commercial. "You can even make a pizza pie". Don't ask.
27. Name something you have to do tomorrow? Work, work, work
28. Do you think too much or too little? Way too much
29. Do you smile a lot? I hope so

35 Weeks

I feel like each week that we click off that I should take out an advertisement in our local newspaper and shout: "Look we're still beating the odds". I have no delusions that Johanna will live very long after she's born, but at this point I'm hopeful that she will make it to her 10/30/09 birthday. And at 35 weeks, we're so fortunate and blessed to still have our daughter with us. I hesitate to say these things because I know that tomorrow it could all be gone. God can take her whenever He wants to. I am thankful that He's chosen to leave her with her parents as long as He has.

I had thought about updating everyone on my pregnancy stats, and what nots, but no matter how I typed it, it just sounded like complaining. And, I'm really not complaining. Ever swollen toe, episode of reflux, late night trip to the water closet, night of not being able to sleep, and all the other stuff that comes with being hugely pregnant are worth it. As for myself, I can say it's worth it no matter the outcome.

I have been guilty of saying that our situation wasn't "fair". Pish posh, that's 13 year old teenage girl talk. Who am I to decide what's fair, and what's not fair? At one point, I said that I had to do all the work of growing a baby, and would never get any of the rewards. Those rewards being 3am feedings and dirty diapers. I may or may not get to do those necessary, mundane things with Jo, but there are still rewards.

Unusual Sunday

Normally on "Any Given Sunday" we're at church ready to worship. We're there for Sunday School, Sunday Morning Service, Youth Meeting at 4:30(always Chad, not always me), Sunday Evening Service, and Youth Choir Practice. Needless to say, Sundays are full days. It's probably our busiest day of the week. We usually throw in lunch, and a tee tiny bit of the Panthers game, just to round things out.

However, today we're hanging out at the house. When both boys woke up today, everyone was fever free. Chad's broke sometime in the night, and I guess Clayton's did the same. They are both absolutely worn out from whatever this mess is that they have. At the current moment they are both napping off their morning adventures of breakfast. Seriously, that's all they've been able to accomplish since 6am(yes we were up early, Clayton was not a happy camper this morning). Hopefully today will mark the turning point, and we will be on the road to recovery.

Since, the boys have been way under the weather, they(and by they I mean Chad) have had control of the TV remote control. Note to self: next time we get grody consumption that requires us to stay in our house, HIDE THE REMOTE!! I'm so very tired of boy TV. I can now fish the Everglades, kill an alligator with a cross bow, build a tree blind out of an old truck, rebuild a Shelby GT 500, drag race with efficiency, and recite the entire line up for the New York Yankees. Now, I love College Football, and really do enjoy watching those games. I actually look forward to it. And that Bama game last night was GREAT!! That is as far as my man card goes though. I DO NOT WANT TO WATCH ANY MORE BOY TV. Enough. However, with it being Sunday morning there is nothing on my girl channels worth watching. Even Food Network has let me down. So, I'm watching "The Plague" on the History Channel. I'm learning what to do if the Bubonic Plague rears its ugly head again. It's good to be me.

I miss church today, and would much rather be there. Soon enough we will be back in circulation again.

Tending the Sick....Day #2

Well, today has been a much better day than yesterday. Both patients still have a fever, but both are low grade and are easily managed now with Tylenol.

Chad seems to be on the mend. Now don't misread that for well. He's still vomiting some, but now it's every 6 hours instead of every hour, so that's a major improvement. He's been able to keep liquids down today. We've finally advanced to soup and Jello. Aren't you proud!!

And yes, I did finally get his medicine from the pharmacy. After I went back a second time, and they couldn't find the prescription. This time I had my sick 19 month old with me, and I refused to leave until they found his meds. Take that pharmacy. I won.

Clayton actually seems to be about the same as he was yesterday, so I'm not sure what his deal really is. He has a low grade fever, mild congestion, and some diarrhea. Other than that he seems OK. He's still playing and doing all of his normal stuff. We did teach him to signal touchdown this afternoon. Super cute.

So, we're chillin' at home, and just waiting for this plaque to pass over. All the while wishing we were at our Youth Revival that is scheduled for right now. In fact, this was the last weekend before Johanna is due that we had extra events(besides the normal CARE and church). We had purposefully cleared our calendar for October. Oh well, I guess the Lord decided to clear our calendar for us a little earlier.

We're gonna finish watching the Bama game, and then head to bed. That's my plan anyway. Clayton is on his way to the bath tub, and then in to some new glow in the dark pajamas. That way he can find himself in the middle of the night.

Hopefully tomorrow will show even more improvement.

Friday......I'm in??

............a mess

Normally I would say, Friday I'm in love. But, on this crazy insane Friday, I'm gonna say I'm in one hot mess. Seriously.

Warning..............this might be gross to you fairer stomached individuals. Consider yourselves warned.

Chad has been kinda under the weather since Tuesday. Cold and congestion. Nothing major just aggravating. He was actually feeling pretty good last night. Except for a nagging headache. Around midnight he started vomiting. The kind of vomiting that comes up from your toe nails. Again, vomiting in and of itself I don't get too concerned about normally. Here's where I officially change my position on vomit. First, if the patient in question is a diabetic(Chad is Type 1) then vomiting can be very serious. There's a whole slew of complications that can rear their ugly glucose shaped heads if vomiting continues. We have dealt with DKA(diabetic ketoacidosis, it's serious, google it and enjoy) in the past, and I most certainly did not want to spend the weekend in the ICU again. Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt. Second, when vomiting continues for 8 plus hours, there's obviously a problem. Houston, we have a problem. Seriously, except for a cat nap a few minutes ago, I've been up since midnight. Also, Chad had no fever last night, but this morning it started around 100 and just kept on a climbing. We finally tipped the scales at 102.5 here at the house.

I called his PCP(primary care physician) and got him an appointment ASAP. They are always great to work him in very quickly. As time progressed Chad began to feel more and more poorly. At one point he asked me to take him to the ER. That's so very not Chad. And I would have, except it was time to leave for the PCP, and we all know the PCP is MUCH cheaper than the ER. Got the hubs to the MD office, they check his temp and it's now at a nice 105. Seriously, 105. That's insane. He did get to sport a nice little mask around the MD office, like he had the Ebola Virus or something. When we do it, we do it up right. They tested him for the flu(we're seriously having a run on the flu, swine and non-swine in our area). Thankfully his flu test was negative. What did they diagnose him with? "Flu Like Virus" What does that even mean? I work in medicine and don't what that means. If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, then it must be a duck. His PCP was actually very surprised that the test was negative. He's treating him like he has the flu, except he didn't give Chad a prescription of Tamiflu. That's cool too, because Chad couldn't swallow or keep them down anyway. Chad did get a nice rump shot of Phenargan that has knocked him flat of his back.

At this point, he has been able to keep down about 10 sips of G2(low sugar Gatorade). And when I just check on him, he was sweating up a storm. I'm hoping the fever is breaking, or at the very least coming down to a manageable level. Keep reading there's more.

I contacted my doctor and Clayton's pediatrician to see if he or I needed to take any extra precautions or if we needed any kind of treatments. They both said no, but to call back if anything changed. Well in about 30 minutes, we had a change. My MIL, who was being so very helpful, and had agreed to keep Clayton over night and part of the day tomorrow called and said that Clayton was running a fever of 101. Fantastic. I called the pediatrician back, and said OK, now what? They advised keeping him at home, and treating symptoms. OK, that I can do. I don't particularly want to take my maybe sick child to the germ infested lobby otherwise known as the pediatrician's office smack dab in the middle of the worst flu season in years. As of now, Clayton's napping. He didn't eat any part of his corn dog for lunch, but he finished off his juice quite nicely. I'm hopeful that whatever he has is just a mild version of what his Daddy has.

One more thing, then I promise I'm done. I went to the pharmacy to get Chad's Phenergan suppositories(I'm not telling you which one in case you work there), and that was a disaster. I wait my turn in the very long line, make my way to the counter, and give the "friendly" cashier Chad's stats and what I need. I had to spell "Chad" 3 times. C-H-A-D!!! It's really not a hard name. Then she proceeds to tell me his prescription is not ready. What??? I left the MD office 1 1/2 hours prior to going to the pharmacy. What in sam hill is taking so long? I ask her how much longer it would be. She answers me in the most non-chalant tone, "I dunno". What??? How can you not know? You work here, I don't. I ask again, all the while maintaining a thin layer of composure. She tells me it will be another hour or longer before the script is ready. Seriously??? It's suppositories. They don't have to be compounded. I very politely(as politely as I could muster) RUN AWAY from the counter and proceed to text my mother and vent. I wanted to launch into a rant about the importance of keeping diabetics hydrated, and avoiding vomiting at ALL costs. I also wanted to jump up and down and say I'm 8 1/2 months pregnant, if you couldn't tell, help out a fellow sister, and just put the suppositories in a box, slap a label on it, and let me leave. Instead I just ran away. I will have to go back in a little while and get the drugs, but that's OK, if my hubs needs them. I'm sure he would do the same for me. Right? Right?

Anyway, it's been a kinda crazy day. I'm not complaining at all(well maybe a little bit about the pharmacy, but the rest is just life). We don't get sick very often at all around our house, so we're very fortunate. I think I'm gonna bake now. Although, I don't know why anyone would eat anything that was cooked in this germ bowl of a house.

"Mama called the doctor, doctor said, no more babies jumping on the bed"

"This is the day which the Lord hath made; I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24

Psalm 139 / JoJo Update

Psalm 139 has been one of my favorite Psalms for a number of years. However, since April verse 14 has taken on special meaning as it relates to Johanna. In fact Chad and I have decided to have this verse placed on her headstone when that time comes. It just feels so appropriate. My pastor(aka Dad) brought his sermon from Psalm 139 on Sunday evening. I was so excited when he told me that he was going to be preaching from this chapter, because I seriously have it memorized. I just love it.

I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. Psalm 139:14

You will notice the word "made" in this verse. I never knew until Sunday evening that this word actually has the meaning of being hand made. Like something your grandmother would spend a lot of time sewing, or your kids would use a lot of macaroni making. Something with a lot of love and attention. Something with a specific plan and design from the beginning. Do you get where I'm going? I've know cognitively since her T18 diagnosis that God made Jo the way He wanted her for a reason. But, I had never taken the time to reason out what all of that meant. After Sunday evening, I take it to mean that He hand picked(and by extension Chad and me) her to have an extra 18th chromosome in all of her cells. He chose to do it for something extra special. I can't remember, but I'm sure I've already said things to this effect on the blog before. But, it hit home in a different way Sunday evening. I think it finally hit me how much God loves her and me, to let us travel this road.

Also, the first part of the verse says "I will praise you". Will I praise God for making my baby this way? I want to, and some days(like today) I can. Will she praise Him? Absolutely. Most likely she will get to praise Him face to face, long before I ever will.

OK, enough random thinking for now.

I went for my 34 week appt today. Johanna has a great HB, still thumping along. It was easy to find, and came in loud and clear. Also, my OB seems to think Jo is still growing. That's a huge, major, big deal for T18 babies. A lot of times there is growth retardation in the later months, but so far she's surprising us all. We still think she's gonna be small, but that's OK too. She is what/how/who she is but God's specific design. I go back in 2 weeks for another appt, and this time we get the privilege of one last Ultrasound. It's hard to believe she'll be here in a short 5 weeks(unless of course God brings her to Him prior to that).

PS Sorry for the crazy insane spacing on today's post. Blogger sometimes has a mind of its own, and I can't seem to get it to cooperate and conform.

Fallin' for Fall

Alas, summer is officially over. Sigh. I love summer. I do enjoy fall. The only thing I don't like about fall, is that it is a gateway into winter. I do not like winter. It's too cold, and its not even all that cold here in NC. Here are a few of my favorite things about fall

Sweet babies in pumpkins. Sweet babies or pumpkins either one.

We took this pic in our yard last year. That's a laugh, not a cry.

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.
There are no expectations are far as gifts are concerned, and the food is amazing.

Pumpkin Spice Latte from Starbucks. So very good. The hubs would disagree, he thinks this particular concoction is gross, he can be wrong if he wants to be.

Pumpkin Cheesecake. This particular sweetness is from Olive Garden.

It's so good, and so very worth the $6 price tag.

Caramel Apples. Just plain good.

SEC Football. Run Javier Run.

OK, maybe fall isn't all that bad. It's actually pretty good.

These are the Days of Our Lives

I don't participate in the "Not Me Mondays" or "Blog Hops", because I'm a total nerd and haven't taken the time to learn how to do it properly. I'm still relatively new to this whole blogging thing, and I'm learning. I've just learned how to edit my HTML. See I'm a newbie. This week, however I do have a great "Not Me" story, especially for any other preggos out there. Bear in mind, it won't be typed in the "Not Me" fashion. I'm confessing straight up for your laughing pleasure.

Thursday of last week, our Sisters in Faith(ladies group at church) had our monthly Bible Study. I got off at 5, and headed to Lenoir(about 30 minutes away from my office). I had to make the obligatory Walmart stop for puppy food and hairspray(vital necessities). I seriously prayed that God would let me have a really close parking space because I didn't want to walk very far(I'm 8 1/2 months pregnant, not lazy). Imagine my not surprise when I pull in and get to park right beside the handicapped parking. I was so excited, except for all the bees that were swarming the trash can. That isn't really relevant, it was just gross and weird. I proceeded to waddle my way to the front door when I spy the strangest site, only to be seen in Lenoir, NC. There was a white beat up car with a tag on the front that said "I'd rather be fishing". Driving this car was the next Eminem wanna be. He was blasting his rap at very high decibels. To me this was the most funny thing I had seen all day. I immediately begin to hee-haw, horse laugh, belly roll, giggle box turned over. I think you get the point. In my humor inspired stupor I didn't see the plastic trash in the cross walk. What do you think happened? That's right folks, I, in all of my gigantic pregnant glory, tripped and fell onto all fours in the middle of the cross walk at one of the largest Super Walmart's in the South East. Only me.

What's a girl to do? I stood up as fast as my round self could and proceeded to the dog food aisle to lick my wounds. After I determined that I'm OK, and not going into labor I had a good cry/laugh while picking out puppy chow. Then it dawned on me that a lot of people saw this pregnant woman hit the dirt in front of the store, and no one, not one single person, stopped to ask if I was OK. I think I'm glad nobody talked to me. I would have been a blubbering mess on a strangers shoulder. That would have been embarrassing(as if the whole situation wasn't embarrassing enough).

One more thing for today.

A couple that attends the church my brother pastors were blessed yesterday with a little boy named Conner. Conner is having some trouble breathing and is being shipped to a larger hospital with a more intensive NICU. Scary times for their family. Please remember Billy and Heather as they make this transition to the NICU instead of to their house today. Thanks for lifting them up.

34 weeks

Actually 34 weeks tomorrow, but you get the point. I can't believe we've made it this far. And if all goes as planned(nothing has went as planned, so I'm not holding my breath), then we'll get to meet our little girl 5 weeks from this Friday. That's crazy and really soon, and so far away all at the same time.

I think I can finally say that I'm excited to meet Johanna. As excited as I was when we were counting down the days until Clayton was born. Chad and I have worked through a lot of the what-ifs, and what-nots. I'm not dreading her birth like I was for a long long time. I'm ready to have pregnancy behind us, and move on to a new chapter. Whatever that chapter is. Whether its grieving her death, or coping with caring for a severely disabled child(will probably the former and not the latter), we're as ready as we can be. I do say that pretty lightly. I don't think a person can ever prepare for either scenario. Even a super planner like myself, is bound to be surprised by something, if not everything.

I even bought her a few outfits last week. I had held off buying anything(and I do mean anything) for her, but the closer we get, the more hopeful I am that she will be born alive. I'm trying to be realistic and optimistic at the same time. That's quite the conundrum for someone like me.

For now, we're just taking one day at a time. I don't take it lightly that God has left her here with us for as long as He has. Very few Moms get to keep their T18 babies as long as I have been fortunate to keep Jo.

I can now honestly say that I'm confident in what God is doing. I honestly feel that I wouldn't change our circumstances, because if I change the T18, then I would be changing Johanna and who she is.

Friday......I'm in Love

No work today. So very excited to have a Friday off. I actually have a lot of Fridays off, but I still get excited about each and every on of them. Here's what we're into on this fantastic, no work, raining cats and dogs Friday.

• This morning Chad and I had an appointment to meet with the neonatologist(s) that will be with us when Johanna is born. May I just say "WOW". They were great. Both physicians and their RN were completely on board with what we want for her when she's born. Comfort care and time. They were in agreement with everything that we have planned, and even made a few suggestions about some things that we hadn't thought of. I may or may not share these with ya'll. Simply because we're still working all of the details out in our minds.
• Chad is currently sweeping and mopping our entire house(we have tile and hardwoods) for me. It seriously makes my back throb to mop, and he just does a bang up job when he mops.
• Clayton is taking a super long nap. He and I were up late last night, so he's chillin' in his crib.
• Chad and I cruised around Walmart after our appointment with the neonates, and had a ball. We didn't really purchase anything crazy, but it was just fun to roam around together.
• We have some peeps coming over tonight to just hang out and have fun. I'm thinking a game of Scrabble is in order. Ya'll know my obsession with words, so that is right up my alley. I think I'll school Chad in some serious elementary fun. Hehe
• I truly enjoyed our ladies Bible Study last night. They surprised me with a gift just for Jo's mommy. I had requested to not have a baby shower, but they found a fantastic way to minister to just me. It was so sweet. But, more than that I enjoyed our study. We are studying the prophets this year, and last nights study was of Habakkuk. It was just a great study, and great lessons learned.
  

That's my day today. We have a busy weekend, but that's not unusual. Friday.......I'm in Love!!

What Will my Baby Girl Look Like?

That's a pretty benign question, or you would think.

I mean, all expectant parents wonder what their child will look like once it's born. Will they look like their Daddy or Mommy. Will they have hair or will they be bald? How big or small will they be? Whose eyes/ears/nose/lips/fingers/etc. will they have? In my estimation this is a pretty standard question that we all wonder about.

I didn't allow myself to even contemplate this question until very very recently. I'm going to be very honest today. I'm not coming from a place of question, sadness, doubt, or anger. I'm just being real with ya'll about what this process is like.

I didn't want to think about my daughter being incredibly physically deformed. Please don't misread what I'm saying(rambling). For me anyway, when you find out you're fortunate enough to be having a baby you begin to think and dream about what this baby will be as an infant, then a child, and ultimately an adult. And then, when you learn that your child has a very profound disabililty your mind ultimately wonders what they will look like. I think it's human nature. We knew fairly early on that Jo has the standard T18 hand clubbing. As far as we know, at this point anyway, that's the only major external physical deformity that she has. Of course she's small, and her eyes and ears are probably spaced a little differently that you would expect on a healthy baby.

Very recently though, I've begun to think about what she's going to look like. We're getting close to the end now. We still don't know if she'll go all the way to 10/30, or if she'll leave us before that. I've started to wonder if she will favor Clayton. Will she have his signature red hair? I certainly hope so. Will she have hair at all? I hope so. Clayton looks a lot like his Daddy. Will Jo, or will she look more like me? Clayton has chunky cheeks like his Mom. Will Jo, or will she be more slim faced like Chad? Will she have my fair skin like Clayton does or will she be darker like Chad?

These thoughts have been on my mind a lot lately, and then I read a great blog post this morning that spoke volumes to me. Johanna will be the beautiful little girl that God created her to be. As her mom, I will see nothing but her beauty. My mom colored glasses will see only what God wants me to see. I won't see the ugliness that the naysers and critics see. It'll be love at first sight all over again. I have been head over heels with this child since that Sunday when I told Chad I thought I was pregnant. No matter what she looks like physically, she will be as perfect as my healthy Clayton is. To me and her Dad, she will look like Miss America. I am so glad that God revealed this to me. Having this settled in my heart and mind has made me want her in my arms so much more. Every pregnant and waiting Mom wants their baby. Mothers of sick or disabled babies are no different.

I'm thankful that He is letting me see the beauty in the very ugly T18. There is beauty in every storm. You may not always see a rainbow at the end, but the storm in and of itself is mighty, powerful, and beautiful.

Thanks Adrienne.

33 Weeks

It has been 20 weeks since we learned of Johanna's Trisomy 18. That's hard to believe. 5 months since our lives changed forever. Our lives have changed in ways that we couldn't imagine. I never wanted to go down this road, but I wasn't given the option. God has a bigger and better plan than I could ever imagine. It's surrendering to His will that is often the hard part.

At first, I was a total mess. I was completely focused on how either having a severely disabled child, or burying my infant, would affect me. And by extension I wondered how this would affect Clayton and his life, and then ultimately all of those around us. Everything was all about me and my family.

Now, I'm still a total mess, but in a different way. When I look back and reflect on the last 5 months, I can see God's hand in everything that has transpired. It's not all been easy, but it's not all been hard either. I don't know why God chose this path for us, but I don't have to know why. I don't need to understand what He's doing. He's doing it. That's really all that matters.

I've grown more accustomed to living in a world of "ifs". My immediate family can testify to the fact, that I don't do well in a world of "ifs". There's black and white, no gray, in everything. I'm learning to see a little more gray. I like a definite plan, planned out weeks in advance. I'm learning to let my plans go, and go with the flow. I like structure and order. I'm learning to accept and thrive in disorder. This is huge for me. I don't handle it well at all. But, God's teaching me.

I'm at a point now where I can't get Johanna off of my mind. I have an obsessive personality anyway, but this is different. I know that theoretically(I love this word by the way) things are winding down. We are coming to the end of this part of our journey. I can't help but wonder what the future holds for us. What will Thanksgiving and Christmas be like so soon after losing a child. How will Chad and I help each other through the hard days that are ahead? In a few years, how will we teach Clayton about his baby sister and the impact of her life? How has/will her life no matter how long or short be a ministry?

No matter what's ahead, I know my God is in control. His ways are higher than mine, and His plans are perfect.

Just some random musings.

18 months and 12 weeks

What do an 18 month old little boy, and a 12 week old female puppy have in common? A whole lot more than you would think.

• They both eat kibble(Emma's kibble, we feed Clayton real food), and love to play in the toilet.
• Toilet paper is the most fun invention on the face of the planet. They both like to tear it into tiny pieces, spread it all over the house, and then eat it. And, they both get upset whenever the toilet paper gets wet and sticks to their fingers/paws.
• They have both at one point or another used the bathroom on the floor. Please don't think we're gross or anything. We're house training Emma, and well Clayton's mommy let him run around without a diaper one day. I have learned my lesson on the latter.
• They both cry at bedtime.
• They both cry when they think it's time to get up. Even if it happens to be 4am. They don't care.
• They both feel the best way to get your attention is to yell. Emma will howl, and Clayton will yell "Mama" or "Dada" at the top of his lungs.
• They both get stuck under the bed. Don't ask me how, because I don't know.
• They both get gated in or out(depending on the situation) of a room. Usually we end up keeping them together because we want them both in or out of the same room at the same time. It's funny how that works out.
• They both hug. I'm serious. I had a melt down Thursday evening about a number of different random crazy things, and they both came to me and sat in my lap with a head on each shoulder. Sweet!!
• They both love bath time. In fact, I think they would take baths together if I would let them. Now that I think about it, that isn't a bad idea and might be a great way for us to cut back on water usage.
• They both love to chew on EVERYTHING.
• They both like to eat Milk Bone dog biscuits. We're trying to teach Clayton how to give Emma her biscuits, and let's just say the lessons aren't going so well yet.
• They both like to watch commercials. Especially the Progressive Insurance commercials. I mean that lady is funny, but I don't get the obsession.

Just a day in the life. I'm loving it.

It's Friday.......I'm in Love

I just always seem to have this song in my head on Fridays. Time for some randomness(thanks for the word Colby!!)

• I'm going to the horse sale tonight to begin to look for a horse for myself. Stop laughing. I mean it. Chad loves to ride, and I would like to maybe enjoy that with him. I'm not planning to buy tonight, I'm just looking. I want a spotty horse(yes Jamie I know it's called a paint, I just like saying spotty), with a pink bridle and saddle. I'm cool like that. And if I get a horse, I can finally justify buying a pair of Fat Baby boots. I've wanted a pair for years, but could never reason it out in my mind. Now stop laughing at me. I mean it.
• I may or may not have left a patient in the waiting room this afternoon for over an hour. All the while thinking to myself that had just not shown for their appointment. And when the lady pointed out my mistake, I may or may not have felt like a total dolt.
• I'm seriously craving some fries from Zaxby's right now. I love them. They're cooked perfectly and seasoned just right.
• We had to rearrange and re-do Clayton's bedroom last night because he broke his bookshelf yesterday morning. Don't ask how, because I don't know. It just happened. I was drying my hair and hear a crash and "Uh-Oh". Never a good combination.
• It's been eight years since 9/11/01. That's hard to believe. I'm grateful for all of the men and women in our Armed Services and Civil Services that keep work so very diligently to keep my family safe. You're seriously under paid and under recognized. Keep it up. Thanks.

That's all I got today. Have a great weekend.

32.2 Weeks

I actually made it to my OB appointment today, on time and on the right day even. Imagine that. I got it all together and going at the right time.

Jo's heartbeat is still going strong. Normal and right where it's supposed to be. I'm not feeling her move nearly as much as I was a few weeks ago. Dr. Hall and I both feel there are a lot of reasons for that. He's not worried, so I'm not either(yeah....right).

We have a tentative B-Day for her. IF(and that could change at any time) she goes full term we will get to meet our daughter on Friday October 30th. That's a mere 7 weeks from tomorrow. Wow, time flies when you're having fun(or whatever).

Between now and then, Chad and I still have a few things left to do. At some point in the next few weeks we will be meeting with the neonatologist that will be assisting in Johanna's delivery. This meeting will assure that our desires about her care(however short or long) is accomplished. At the appointment today, Dr. H reviewed Jo's birth plan and was on board with everything that we wanted.

As for me, right now I'm great. I had a long talk with Mom this morning(that may or may not have made me way late for work) that I needed. I just had to get some things off my chest and tell somebody else how I was feeling. She just listened and let me laugh and cry. And during all of this talking, laughing, and crying, my wonderful little boy decided to start undressing himself while he was strapped in his car seat. Not an easy task, but he was doing a pretty good job of it.

I think I'll crash tonight and play some ball, or pull Emma's tail, with Clayton. I think I'll enjoy just being a Mommy.

I've said this a lot in the last few weeks, but we are very fortunate to have kept Jo with us this long. God is still using her to accoplish His will and plan. I just get to benefit from having her with me.

This is Getting Serious

It's official. I'm a certified, bonafied, card carrying, DORK. But, if you've read this blog much at all, then you already know that.

Yesterday I went to what I thought was my 32 weeks preggo check up. I had written the appointment down, emailed my practice manager, told my coworkers who would have to cover me, and reminded Chad via text during the morning. I had all of my bases covered. Or so I thought.

Apparently, my appointment is actually tomorrow. At what point did I make this discovery? After Chad and I got to the OB office, checked in, and dove in to a deep conversation about Clayton and Emma(yes the new puppy) and their fight(that's entirely different story about waffles and underwear). Their very sweet receptionist Jennifer very politely asked me if I had lost my mind and gently reminded me that my appointment was actually on Thursday.

Do you wanna know the best part? The surgeon that I work for very often coordinates surgeries with my OB/Gyn. They have the same surgery days. It should have dawned on me at some point that my surgeon is in the OR today, so of course Dr. H would be in the OR too. Nope it didn't register.

Earlier in the day I couldn't even remember what the days of the week were to tell my MIL when she would have Clayton in the next few weeks. I must have a serious case of pregnancy brain. Somebody might want to think about an intervention because it's clear to me that I might not even make it home by myself anymore.

Yeah I Did It

I have a confession to make, and then an explanation.

Saturday evening(before the fantastic AL game) I was doing my quite time/Bible Study/Devotions/whatever your pet name is for getting alone with God and seeing what He has for me for the day. I do mine in the evening because that's the best time of day for me. I don't function well early in the morning, therefore I can't give God the appropriate time and attention He requires and deserves from me. Back on point, I was reading through my workbook and comparing to the appropriate scriptures. And then, the author of the study(no, I'm not telling you who or which study because I don't want to influence anyone) had the audacity to state that Job was a complainer. I was immediately outraged. Then I was outraged even more when my fantastic husband agreed with the author. How dare he not side with me(even if I happened to be wrong)? I couldn't believe that anyone would call Job a complainer! I may or may not still be a little offended about it(but God's working on me). And, I may or may not have opened that particular study since I closed it in a temper tantrum that any 3 year old would have been very proud of. I'm just being honest. I don't think anyone but Chad knows how really upset I was about this comment. I felt like Job had been wrongly accused, and by some strange extension I had been wrongly accused of complaining.

And then my husband(and possibly my parents at lunch on Sunday too, because I was still ranting about it then some 18 hours later) in his infinite wisdom pointed out again that Job was guilty of complaining. I did NOT want to hear that again. Now I was irate at the hubs for no reason, and irate at other people that had no association with this Bible study or anything else at all for that matter. I was just looking for somewhere to point my angry, emotional, rage.

After much more consideration yesterday and then some this morning, God has shown me that I am a complainer. I think that's why I was so mad at the author of the study. I'm not a complainer in the traditional sense of the word. I don't always complain about the little things, I just fix them if I can. I complain about complainers A LOT. I can't stand it(see I'm doing it even now). In my occupation I hear a lot of complaining. It just comes with working in the medical field. Hello, sick people.

Lately I have begun to compare Jo's issues and our current situation to everyone else, and in all of my self righteousness decided that our problems were worse than anyone elses. Therefore, I didn't have to offer Christ's love and compassion. Wrong again. I have had to spend some major time in prayer asking for forgiveness for both my complaining and for my sour attitude. I've always been of the opinion that God doesn't give us a free pass to be a totally rude person whenever life isn't going our way. Emotions, and all that they encompass are a part of life, and we have to use and embrace those emotions or we will go absolutely loony. Here's my advice to myself. The emotions are normal and actually healthy. God gave them to us to use, and to use for His glory. However, I have to keep them in check and make sure they are lined up with His will, and that they are in fact bringing Him glory and not detracting from His work.

OUCH!!!! I hope my lessons in life and humility bring you joy, and help you not to have to learn this lesson the way I did.

Married with Children(or without......whatever)

Chad and I are coming up on our 8 year anniversary in a few weeks. Sometimes it's hard to believe that we've been married that long. I do realize that 8 years isn't all that long in comparison to our parents and grandparents, but it's longer than some of our friends and acquaintances have made it. How do we do it? I'll give you the rundown. I'm not a marriage expert by any means, so please don't think of this as an authority or commentary. It's just what works for us, and we both consider ourselves happy and content in our marriage.

• Christ. By far the single most important thing any marriage has to have to achieve longevity. We wouldn't still be together if it wasn't for the grace of God working in our individual and married lives. You must put God before each other and your children. His will and plan is supreme and far superior to ours. We must bend and submit to Him to be able to bend and submit(dreaded word for women, trust me I know) to each other.
  
• Communication. You gotta talk to each other about everything. And I think, and this is just my opinion, you gotta do it right then, or as soon as it's appropriate. You can't let things fester. Have you ever gotten a splinter? What happens if you don't get out the splinter? It gets infected and all red and pus filled. Gross. That's what happens when you don't communicate with each other. You get a pus filled, oozing, red, infected splinter out of something that really wasn't that big of a deal to begin with. Deal with it, get it over with and move on. Life's too short to let nothing become something.
• Nothing or Something? And on that same note, you have to decide if whatever is irking you is really important or not. Toilet lid up or down, probably not important or worth a fight. Same thing with socks/books/Dt. SunDrop bottles(that last one might just be our issue) laying on the floor. However, there are some issues that have to be addressed, and generally you know what those are.
• Date Night. Whether you have kids or not ya still gotta date each other. It can be as extravagant or as simple as your finances allow. We've been known to sit at home and watch a movie on a date night, and nothing more. Our personal favorite is to go to the movies. That's what we did most when we were dating, so we try to relive that romance a little.
• Laughter. You gotta laugh. First and foremost at yourself, then you can laugh at/with each other. Learn to take and give a good joke.
• Friends/Hobbies. You gotta have them. I read and surf the Internet. Chad rides horses and hunts. Here's the thing about both friends and hobbies. Use and enjoy them in strict moderation. They should never ever become more important or more prominent than your spouse. Boundaries folks. Even babies want them, so we gotta keep setting them for ourselves as adults.
• Respect. Mutual and equal respect. No one should ever measure up to your spouse. They should be the coolest, best looking, hardest working, etc. person you know. If there's ever a shift in your mind about that, you gotta check up immediately. Figure out why and fix it. If not, it's a recipe for disaster. When we start having frequent negative feelings about our mate, then we're headed for a marital cliff with sharp pointy daggers at the bottom.
• Learn to say I'm sorry. Do I feel like I'm the one that always says "I'm Sorry"? Of course, but Chad feels the same way I do. I had to apologize last night for being a total emotional wreck. It's part of pregnancy and I couldn't really do anything about the reason I got upset at him, but neither could he. Chad doesn't understand being pregnant and the horrible moans(hormones) that go along with it. He doesn't deserve all my wrath for not understanding.
• Learn to accept an apology. This is a HUGE weakness of mine. When Chad apologizes, I never seem to believe he's doing it from the heart. I always question his motives. That's unfair. His motives are between him and God. My responsibility is to forgive and move on. Don't bring it up anymore. Let sleeping dogs lie. Don't beat a dead horse.
• Pull your weight. Whatever your work situation is, do your part. I work a public job. There are many reasons for this. I love what I do, and it's the right decision for our family. It's not right for everyone, and that's fine as long as both parties are in mutual agreement. Because I work and have a sorta set schedule, Chad has to do more around the house. His schedule is much more flexible than mine. He picks up Clayton more than I do, and does the laundry, and mops the floors, and a whole lot more. That's part of it. If I was a SAHM(stay at home mom) he wouldn't have to do as many of these things, but our total dynamic would shift. I'm just saying figure out what works for both of you and stick to it. If you need extra help here or there that's fine, but remember that it takes BOTH of you to keep the house and marriage together. Work together, and you'll actually enjoy more free time.
• Say Thank You.............A LOT!!! Just be grateful for what the other person does. When Chad carries the heavy stuff I'm thankful because I don't have to. If I tell him thank you, he's more likely to do it again. If it goes unnoticed, then he's less likely. Is it childish to have to be thankful for the itty bitty things? Maybe, but who cares. We all want to be noticed by our spouse. I want to be noticed when I cook a decent dinner(don't laugh it happens every now and then), and Chad usually doesn't disappoint. He's thankful for the meal, and it makes me want to do it again.
  

It's not an exhaustive list by any means, and it's just a few things that work for us. I absolutely love being married. But, besides being a parent, it's the hardest thing I've ever done. Our marriages take constant efforts to stay healthy. You can't drop the ball ever. Stay on top of it. It's worth it.

Roll Tide Roll

That's right folks. It's time for SEC football(and all of the lesser conferences too). The Tide battles the VT Hokies at the "Dome" tonight at 8pm. I can't wait. I like any kind of football, but there's just something better about college ball.

And a self indulgent picture of my used to be baby with "Big Al". These pics were taken around his 1st birthday. It's amazing what 6 months can do.

GO TIDE!!!!!!!

Look Who's Average

My little man is 18 months old already. How did that happen? Anyway, I took him for his 18 month well check on Wednesday and we learned that he's perfectly average. In the 50th percentile for height and weight. He's doing all the things that 18 month old little boys should be doing. There are some parents out there whose child is always the biggest, the best, doing the most fantastic things. And yes Clayton is all of those things to me. But, with all that Chad and I have going on it's so very nice to have a healthy, normal, growing, active little boy with absolutely no problems. That we know of. I feel like Clayton sometimes get pushed to the way side on this here blog because of our current situation with Johanna. So today, it's all about him.

All of these pics were taken on our recent trip to the large square states. And, I must confess that I swiped these from our friend Phil. Thanks Phil, they are the best pics of him. I love them.Chillin' at Thermopolis State Park. There was a large amount of grass for at Clayton's disposal, and he took advantage of every bit of it. This is a face like his Mommy's. I'm afraid I make this face way too much, and he's picked it up.

We stopped at a tack shop for Chad to buy some spurs that he's been needing to work with his horses, and we happened upon a pooch named Shorty. Clayton was immediately ready to bring Shorty back to NC. What can I say my child is like his Mama. He loves dogs, all kinds shapes, and sizes.


A stick at Yellowstone. I don't know why this entranced him like it did. But, I'm not 18 months old anymore either.

Just a cute pic. This is a Chad face.

This one is my absolute favorite. This is what he does best. He's always active and on the go. Running everywhere anymore, and almost always with a cheesy grin.

Again, he looks so much like his Daddy to me. For the most part, he's natured more like Chad which is a good thing. It will be better for Clayton and the world in the long run if he can stay that way.

On the plane. We had an accident with a coke, and his shirt was soaked. He was happy to be half nakey. That's my big boy. He stole my heart a long time ago, and has been more fun than I could have ever imagined. I don't know why we waited so long to have babies, or why we were so scared about having little ones. Being a Mom has been the best job I could ever have.

No Pain No Gain

I have retyped this post about 574 different ways this week. I just couldn't get it to flow. In all honestly, I've had a great week emotionally speaking. Of course I'm 14 1/2 months pregnant(that's what I tell Chad anyway, he just rolls his eyes at me like I'm exaggerating) and exhausted, but that's bearable and pleasurable compared to the heart hurt I wake up with some days. I really am getting to my point.

Tuesday evening our youth choir sang at a revival service. And by the way, ya'll were amazing, seriously. After we were finished, Dad brought the sermon from the book of Job. The entire premise of the sermon was "Wanting More". Sorry Daddy, but I can't remember the title. I plead wrestling an 18 month old and missing that crucial part.

Anyway, Job got more. In fact he got a lot more. But, he had to hurt a lot to get more. Job lost all of the material possessions that he had. But, more than that he God allowed all of his children to die(there were 10 of them by the way).

In the end though God replinished and doubled all the Job had lost. That means 20 kids(that's more than the Duggars, at this point anyway).

I guess I'm saying all of that to get to this. To get God's more, sometimes we have to hurt. But, it's not a hurt that will harm. God loves me so of course what He has planned for me is going to be for my good. I know it's jumbled and disjointed, but it's what has been on my mind.

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Jeremiah 29:11

For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding [and] eternal weight of glory; 2 Corinthians 4:17

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

Ooh...Ooh...Ooh...Ooh

OK, that probably did absolutely nothing to let you know what I'm talking about. I'm excited, and I have good news. Well, in our current situation some things that would normally be sad and ball your eyes out upsetting, become great news. It's funny how your ideas change when God changes your plans.

Anyway, I finally heard back from "Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep". For those of you that have not heard about this organization, and I was one of them until just a few short months ago, NILMDTS is a non-profit group of volunteer photographers that come to the hospital and photograph terminally ill or still born infants.

When I first heard of this group I knew I wanted them to take portraits of Jo once she arrived. First off, I had to make sure she was going to go to 25 weeks gestation before I contacted them. Well, we've passed that date by 6 weeks. How crazy is that? I email them the day week 25 rolled over, and was put in contact with a semi local photographer that has agreed to help us. When I say semi-local I mean about 30 miles away. We live in a smallish town(although not as small as the towns in WY and ID that we had the privilege of visiting), with a smallish hospital, and of course the photographer that had been assigned to our area is no longer with the organization(it's volunteer work, I get it, people are busy and sometimes life just takes over). I got an email from our photographer last night saying that he would be willing to come out of his area and take portraits of Johanna once she's born.

I don't know that words could express how happy this makes me. Like I said, sometimes your perception of events changes with the changing of circumstances. I love pictures. I probably have around 30 pictures in my living room alone, and that's in addition to the digital photo frame that rolls pics 24/7/365.

If you've never heard of NILMDTS, you should definitely check out their website. Who knows, maybe one day you can pass along their information, and help someone in a situation similar to ours.

http://nowilaymedowntosleep.org