Thursday, March 4, 2010

Transition Lenses

Well maybe not lenses since I only need my totally cool tortoise shell Anne Klein glasses for anything that requires eye concentration.  And while I'm on this subject does anyone else think their is such a thing as eye concentration?  I'll explain.  It's when your eyes have to do all the work.  I have a hard time seeing things clearly and my glasses help.  I can see fine without them but everything is kinda fuzzy around the edges.  And my glasses take the edge off and help me avoid headaches.  I have no idea what I'm even talking about at this point.

Transition was the real word I wanted to focus on but I got all caught up in my glasses.  I feel like I'm in a transition period in my life right now.  Kinda like there was a different life before April 2009 and there will be a totally different life sometime down the road.  I don't know when this new life will start.  Right now I'm assuming when I'm finished with school in 2012.  Ugh..........that's a long transition period.

At this point I'm loving the transition.  And that's a big step for someone like me.  I loathe, no despise, change.  It's awful.  It's worse than mixing the food around on your plate.  By the way that's gross.  I seriously need a divided school lunchroom tray.  Change is like that for me though.  It makes me feel like my baked beans and slaw are all mixed together and I get all nervous and want to hyperventilate.

The "Great Lay-Off 2010" couldn't have come at a better time.  Honestly.  Excpet for the decrease in fundage things are great.  And the decrease in fundage isn't a big deal either.  God's taking care of us in His amazing ways.  I'm learning some new lessons about life.  And since I love lists almost as much as I love the idea of a divided food tray I think I'll make one.

  • I'm learning how to live better on less income.  It's true that you get used to bringing in a certain amount of income.  And when you think about decreasing that amount you automatically think it can't be done.  Well, our family is living proof that it can be done.  There are ways.  I'm loving couponing(I may have become slightly obsessed) and learning to say no to purchases.  I was looking for a pair of shoes for a little girl yesterday and found myself wondering towards the ladies dresses because a black sparkly number caught my eye.  But with the Lord's help I resisted the temptations.  I didn't touch it, or look at it, or anything.  Aren't you impressed?  OK fine be that way.  I was pleased.
  • I'm learning that SAHM Moms have the absolute hardest job in the world.  And I'm learning that I am still not cut out for this job.  I still firmly believe it's not what God created me to do.  But I do salute all of ya'll that can do this on a long term basis.  I'm truly amazed.
  • I'm learning that a 2 year old boy has the attention span the size of a flea.  Currently we're learning Philippians 4:13 and the letter "A".  We have the first part of the verse almost down pat.  But when he says it, it's in the most southern drawl imaginable.  I thought mine was bad, but it's nothing compared to Clayton's.
  • I'm learning that I love church work and actually having the time to minister to all of the different groups at our church.  Before I only had the opportunity to work with the youth but now I'm getting to work with the youth, the ladies, and the seniors.  It's been a lot of fun.
  • I'm learning that flexibility is a great thing.  I don't have a flexible gene in my body so this is also a hard lesson.
When I went back to work after Johanna's maternity leave I had a lot of mixed emotions and feelings.  My routine was exactly the same as pre-Johanna and as when I was pregnant with her.  I felt almost like she had never happened.  And that's not a good place to be.  But now that I have a totally different routine(and I do love a routine) I feel closer to her in some ways.  Clayton is now more aware of Johanna's pictures and things around the house so that gives me more of an opportunity to teach him about his little sister.  If I'm having a missing day(and yesterday was) I can take the time I need to get the help I need from whomever I need.  Sometimes it's Chad, sometimes it's someone else, sometimes it's music, and sometimes I just need to get alone with God.  At work I couldn't have done that quite as easily.  I feel like I've been given an extra amount of time to continue to grieve and heal.  And yes, I feel, you do have to grieve to heal.

So this got long and rambling.  It always does whenever I sit down at my favorite lappy.


Jennifer said...

as usual you made me smile!! we are so much alike i many ways...the divided tray thing, i love it. it would be so nice to control it all like that! some of the things you say although they have absolutly nothing to do with me and you don't even know my circumstances, just have helped me so much!! i'm going through a transition time in my life too and i maght just have to start blogging myself just so i can tell you about it!! lol have a good day!

Jennifer Beaver said...

Nikki, I think you & I are on the same page today, I posted my blog & then went back to read up on the ones I've missed lately and just smiled when I read your's for today. I'm right there with you on the food separation, the transition period and the bible verse. I can't wait to hear Clayton say it! It's my all-time favorite verse. Thank you for your post, I really needed to read that today.

Jamie Lynn said...

Awhh.. I want to hear him say that verse:)!!

Jules said...

Change. I'm not sure anyone truly enjoys it...but I could be wrong. :o) I'm not big on change myself. Though I'm sure my transition is much different than yours, God is taking me through one too. I feel I have drawn closer to Him b/c of it. Change is often hard to digest, but I know that in the end it will be worth it b/c God promised to be with us every step of the way. Enjoyed reading your post today. It was an encouragement. (Commenting on your last couple of sentences: "Someone's rambling, is someone else's enouragement." -jrg) :o)