Tuesday, September 29, 2009

35 Weeks

I feel like each week that we click off that I should take out an advertisement in our local newspaper and shout: "Look we're still beating the odds". I have no delusions that Johanna will live very long after she's born, but at this point I'm hopeful that she will make it to her 10/30/09 birthday. And at 35 weeks, we're so fortunate and blessed to still have our daughter with us. I hesitate to say these things because I know that tomorrow it could all be gone. God can take her whenever He wants to. I am thankful that He's chosen to leave her with her parents as long as He has.

I had thought about updating everyone on my pregnancy stats, and what nots, but no matter how I typed it, it just sounded like complaining. And, I'm really not complaining. Ever swollen toe, episode of reflux, late night trip to the water closet, night of not being able to sleep, and all the other stuff that comes with being hugely pregnant are worth it. As for myself, I can say it's worth it no matter the outcome.

I have been guilty of saying that our situation wasn't "fair". Pish posh, that's 13 year old teenage girl talk. Who am I to decide what's fair, and what's not fair? At one point, I said that I had to do all the work of growing a baby, and would never get any of the rewards. Those rewards being 3am feedings and dirty diapers. I may or may not get to do those necessary, mundane things with Jo, but there are still rewards.


christina said...

treasures in heaven, baby! Graces flowing ever more in this life to help us get to the next! The reward of knowing our girls won't have pain in this world, will only know love of her earthly parents and the greater still love of her heavenly father and savior. We get the reward of KNOWING our girls left all sin behind, and are received fully into the embrace of love, and they are celebrating at the wedding feast with Christ! WOO HOO!

how easy it is to type. How much harder to let go. My latest thoughts are of "more." I should have been with her more. I should have stayed with her more. It wasn't enough. This life will be emptier because of my longing of more with her. But never will we trade the time we get (and have) with her forever!

I am so proud of you.
keep walking, keep showing the world what it means to be broken but to KEEP WALKING anyways!!!

Rebecca said...

Thanks for the update. It's true for all of our children that God can take them whenever He wants; it just feels more apparent with T18. Reminds us of the privilege that parenthood really is. A privilege and a blessing.

Frugal Jen said...

You are giving her a wonderful loving home right now, your womb. I don't know you but, we are praying for you.


Joan Carr said...

Praise the Lord, I see God still at work in you because of Johanna. It is mine and your dads prayer daily that God will continue to use Johanna for His glory no matter how long or how short her life on this earth may be.

This Gram is going to miss her forever I know, because I long to buy dresses, candy, ice cream,play for hours and hours, etc the list could go on and on of what we would do together. And to teach her of Her Fathers love, but she is going to know more about His love than I could ever tell her about.

But only God knows what he is doing through this appointment in your, Chad's, Clayton, and Johanna's life.

But I see God helping you with the "Fair" phrase. God is still at work.

I would take this pain for you if at all possible. But I can't and I can rest in God in knowing He knows what is BEST FOR ALL!!!!

Kelly said...

What a precious gift God has given you in letting your baby be with you this long. What an answer to prayer. Please know that we don't think you're complaining! We are all cheering for you and Jo. We are so proud of you!

Praying everyday!

Jamie Lynn said...

I am so amazed how God has been working in her life & yours & Chads & even mine.
She is truely sent from God. I mean, every child is. But you get her special meaning:)
Love you!

Journey of the George's said...

You are a special mom. Praying for you and your family. Christy