Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Just Thinking

This morning on "The Today Show" they ran a clip about baby Eliot Mooney. I haven't had the opportunity to watch it yet, but I will check it out when I get home this afternoon. Eliot was born with T18 in July of 2006. Their faith and courage is amazing to listen to. As I was doing some Internet surfing about Mr. Eliot, I began, obviously to think about Johanna. And to wonder what impact she is or will have on this world. I also began to think about being pregnant with a sick little girl. It's exactly the same, and completely different than being pregnant with a completely healthy little boy. I just thought I would share the thoughts I have rolling around up there today, and for that matter every day.

  • Carrying around a baby that you know is very sick is the hardest thing I have had to do thus far. It's even hard than the day that I found Chad basically unconscious, as a result of hypoglycemia. I didn't have time to think that day. All I could do was react to save his life. With Johanna, I have had a lot of time to think about her. I can't simply react this time. I have to think about everything carefully before I make a step.
  • Being pregnant in and of itself is fantastic. Mostly I feel great. I don't get sick when I'm pregnant, don't have a ton of back pain, and have a decent amount of energy. I love being pregnant. It's fantastic to feel your little one scooting around inside of you.
  • Emotionally I need more this time around. There are a lot of factors that contribute to this. Chad and I are much more busy than we were when I was pregnant with Clayton. Clayton needs me to take care of him, so I can't always release things when I feel the need to release them. And, probably the biggest kicker of them all. I have all of the emotions of dealing with a dying child. Sometimes it's just rough.
  • My cravings and dislikes are almost identical to what they were when I was pregnant with Clayton. Protein is almost a complete no-no. However, if something is battered and deep fried I'm all over it.
  • I have found that I get excited over different things with Jo than I did with Clayton. For example, her special dress that was made by a very special lady is finished, and I get to pick it up tonight. I have made a hobby/career out of ETSY and looking for the perfect bow to match the perfect dress to bury her in. I wouldn't have thought an activity this strange would have been possible to even think about a few months ago.
  • Although her diagnosis is tragic, I have enjoyed every ultrasound. It's been amazing to see her moving, and living. That may be the most I get to see her alive, and I'm enjoying all of it.

Just thinking today. It's amazing how life changes completely, but at the same time stays exactly the same. I of course want her to be a miracle baby, and be born completely healthy. What parent wouldn't want that. However, that is not Jo's reality.

It's a different kind of day. Not the best, but it's not bad either. Mediocrity is the spice of life. Have a great one.

4 comments:

Joan Carr said...

Go to God's Word to get the comfort and rest that only He can give. It is different scriptures for different people and situations and on different days.

When we are weak "then and only then" GOD CAN... Spring Revival 09 with Bro. Tom out of the book of II Corinthians

happylexi said...

Hi, I don't know you, but I saw the Today show piece on Eliot this morning, and off the Mooney's blog I saw your mom's comment and that led me to you. I saw you are carrying a baby girl with Trisomy 18. I thought I'd send a quick note because I am a live-in caretaker for a girl with full Trisomy 18. She is 12 years old--yes, 12 years old! Her funeral was planned before she was born and her parents never expected to bring her home at all, let alone have her still here 12 years later! So sometimes God has other things planned than the doctors do... I don't know if you've already connected with other people or not, but if you're interested in hearing about Kammie's story, my email is KristiPlucker@hotmail.com. There's also the SOFT national support organization for Trisomies 18 & 13 which is a great network of people affected by this. There's a yearly conference, this year in Virginia, which includes a memorial balloon release. Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep might also be something to look into; they are a network of volunteer photographers who come into the hospital or wherever to help you remember a baby who's time on earth is much too short. God bless.

chris mitch travis cana said...

i am with you all the way in this. I have travis, my firstborn...and he was and is my "have to" as far as having to get thru it without him seeing me cry every day. I believe God gave me and gives you the grace to carry this life...simply because we chose to say yes to Him and to life. We are an example to the world and counter cultural and a witness of hope! I'm so glad you wrote! I would love to be here with you on this journey. How old is Clayton? My travis was just under 17 months when we had Cana. (fyi, named after john 2:11)

I will follow your blog and please keep my email handy if there are any thoughts, fears, joys, struggles, basic questions. It sounds like you have a great base, but please add me to it. I found people that reached out to me were the greatest strength. So many of us run from the cross...i found i lost not only my daughter but those (family and friends) who didn't know how to cope or didn't know what to say.

chrisabf@swbell.net

peace always.

Beth.. One Blessed Nana said...

Eliot's mom Ginnie is actually from the area I live in. SHe was a Gattle before she married. Each time I see the video it just breaks me down. It is so precious. THey now have a precious little girl. THeir story is so inspiring.