Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Even Now

I finished a book yesterday titled "Even Now".  It was a book about love and redemption that is both lost and found.  I woke up at 6am this morning with this on my mind.  What do I know.........even now?  Not much, but there are a few things I know for sure.

  • Even now, when my heart is breaking I know my God loves me.
  • Even now, when I am unlovable(hard to believe I know), my husband loves me.
  • Even now, when I feel completely alone, I have a wonderful group of family and a few close friends that are doing everything in their power to make sure I know I'm cared for and thought about.
  • Even now, God is teaching me more about love and compassion than I ever wanted to know.  He's slowly melting my cynical, skeptical, heart of stone.
  • Even now, I see God using Johanna to still work in my life and in the life of others around me.
  • Even now, I know my God will never leave me.
  • Even now, I'm God's child.
  • Even now, my daughter is safe with the Father.  Of course I miss her, and my arms feel empty without her.  And at this point, nothing can replace that feeling.  But, I wouldn't dare speak of bringing her back to me.  She is having the best eternal day praising and rejoicing our Lord.  It certainly would be nice to be there with her.
  • Even now, I wouldn't change anything since April.
  • Even now, I would make the same decisions again.  I would carry my baby girl to term and cherish all 63 of her precious minutes.
  • Even now, I'm thankful God gave her to our family.  I'm thankful I have a daughter.  And I'm thankful I'll be with her again one day(hopefully sooner than later).
Even now.

6 comments:

Rebecca said...

I read the same book just recently!

You should really read the sequel too, called 'Ever After'.

Thanks for sharing your heart. Beautiful post.

christina said...

hey you. i know it's still creepy but i kind of need you to know...that THIS is how often and much and when i think of you guys. I had yet ANOTHER dream about you. it was my family and yours. we were out to dinner. I know i've neglected to write you as much as i've been thinking about you but i hope you know you are always on my heart. i will try to be better. love you guys.

Allison said...

I will have to read that book. Thank you for sharing this! I am glad that "even now" you know all those things

Jamie Lynn said...

Hm, I bet taht's a good book.
Your heart isn't cynical to me.
I love it and you:)

Holly said...

I haven't heard of that book. It sounds really interesting. I feel the same!

Kelly said...

This is such a good post. It's such a blessing to see you counting your blessings instead of dwelling on the negative. Thank you for sharing your heart. I am praying for you everyday!
{{hugs}}
Kelly